


The Man Who Stole The Moon

by clownsteeth



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-07-14 03:32:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16032113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clownsteeth/pseuds/clownsteeth
Summary: Everyone has the day they die printed on their wrist, and there has never been a mistake, at least, no documented mistakes. But a person desperately in love can even change the tides.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> another wolfstar fic, i hope you enjoy it! (also the prologue is a bit rushed, but it slows down in chapter one)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's worth noting that I'm aware that the UK has a different legal drinking age. When I started this, I think a part of me was assuming it also took place in the US as my last one did. I'm not going to go back and correct everything, just be warned that I guess this takes place in the US???

He didn't really steal the moon, but to Remus, he might as well have.

The first time Remus laid eyes on Sirius Black it was the middle of a particularly bad fight between him and an ex. Or boyfriend, rather, at that specific time. His boyfriend was turning twenty-one and he wanted to go to a bar for his birthday, dragging Remus along with him. He wasn't happy about it, but he went along nonetheless, they'd been together for quite a while, so how could Remus say no?

It was there that Remus met Sirius Black. As soon as he walked in, he was the very first person Remus noticed. The bar was mostly empty, give a few older men and those three. Remus kissed his boyfriend's cheek and let him do his own thing while Remus walked over to Sirius, despite his instincts telling him it was a bad idea. He kept stealing glances of the man, his stomach doing flips and his heart leaping up into his throat. He kept telling himself it was a bad idea, he had a boyfriend, but this man... he was mesmerizing

A moment later the bartender came over, asking Remus if he'd like a drink, to which Remus said something along the lines of: "Got any juice?" The bartender gave him a confused look, including raised eyebrows and scoff, but didn't say anything more and walked off, presumably to get the drink. Remus shifted a bit on the stool and propped his chin up on his elbows, gazing at all the drinks behind the bar. A moment later they returned with orange juice.

"Did you really just order _juice_ in a bar? That's definitely a first." Remus glanced up, only to see the man from before looking at him with an amused expression. He turned away, feeling a blush rise up his neck and onto his cheeks. That was pretty sad, Remus admitted himself. Remus grinned sheepishly and shrugged.

"I'm underage," Remus told him. The man raised his eyebrows and seemed to cover a laugh with a cough, making Remus shrink back under his gaze. Was that really such a big deal? So he didn't want to drink until he was of age, wouldn't that make it somewhat more... special? The man slid whatever was in his glass over to Remus.

"Have you ever drank before?" Remus nervously shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well here, let this be your first time," The man offered, gesturing back towards the glass he had placed in front of Remus. Remus furrowed his eyebrows together and glanced back at him.

"Are you serious?" Remus gasped.

"In fact I am, it's my name," The man mused.

"Uh huh, sure it is," Remus mused, smiling shyly.

"It really is, S-I-R-I-U-S, like the star." Remus opened his mouth into an 'o' shape, nodding along.

"I mean, my name is Remus so I guess we both have pretty uncommon names." Sirius grinned in reply before gesturing back to the glass with raised eyebrows. "I don't know... I guess it wouldn't-" Remus said. The man, Sirius, opened his mouth to say something more, to interrupt, but his boyfriend interrupted first.

"Remus!" He exclaimed, leaning against the counter in between Remus and Sirius. "Is this guy giving you a hard time?"

"Nah, it's fine, Bash," Remus replied, giving a small smile. Remus was slightly worried, Sebastian was a bit... overprotective sometimes, and Remus knew this situation wasn't the best to be in right now, Bash always got a bit worse with some alcohol in his system.

"Let's get out of here," Sebastian whispered to Remus, making his stomach flip uneasily.

"Look, Bash, I-"

"C'mon, Rem," He begged.

"I'd really rather not."

"Now, Remus!" Remus sighed and shot Sirius an apologetic look before he stood up and let Bash lead him out of the bar. Once they were outside, the warm summer air engulfed them. Bash, after walking a few more blocks, turned on Remus. "So what was your deal?"

"What?" Remus wondered. His deal?

"With that guy," Bash explained. Remus felt a wave of nervousness wash over him.

"Nothing, he just made fun of me for ordering juice," Remus explained. It was true, yes, but not the whole truth. Hopefully, that would satisfy Sebastian, he really didn't want to deal with his anger right now.

"Oh really? I saw you glancing at him like he was sex on legs." Remus scoffed and rolled his eyes, Sebastian should know he'd never cheat.

"So he was attractive, is it so bad to look at someone?" Remus retorted, turning back towards their house, but a hand caught his wrist before he could get too far. "Bash, I really don't want to do this right now."

"Do what? Talk to me? Remus, I love you, and I don't want to lose you! Don't be such an ass!"

"No, get into another petty fight! I would never cheat on you, and if you really can't trust me after all this time then this relationship just isn't going to work!" Remus bit, yanking his arm from Sebastian's grasp, but before he could get far he yanked Remus around again, his fist making contact with Remus's jaw.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Remus exclaimed, bringing a hand up to his mouth. He glanced up at Sebastian, who, despite cradling his fist in his other hand, looked ready for a fight. Remus wiped a bit of blood on the back of his hand, making eye contact with Bash. "I'm fucking done." This fight was easily avoidable if Remus had stopped then and walked off, but instead, he decided to throw a punch.

Remus knew he shouldn't have done that, Sebastian was bigger than he was, and stronger, there was no way this would end well for him. Sebastian fought a lot as it was, and Remus never wanted to be on the receiving end, but he was so tired of his shit. So of course, it didn't stop there, and it turned into a proper fight. Remus managed to get a few hits in, but he didn't do near the amount of damage to Sebastian as he did. He knew Sebastian never would've done this had he been completely sober, and if Remus hadn't been stupid enough to throw a few punches of his own. The only thing that brought him any consolation is the fact his death date on his wrist was fifty years in the future, he had a ways to go, as long as it wasn't a mistake.

And the last thing he remembered from that moment was a blur of black hair, covering the moon from his vision as he finally lost consciousness.

//

He wasn't sure how long he was out by the time he woke up, but he could feel gentle hands wiping something off of his face. He immediately felt sore and was unable to help the gasp of pain that escaped his lips. The hands pulled away from his face quickly, and he could only hear furious whispering, the only part Remus managed to pick up in his half-asleep state was "Sirius what the hell did you do?" Followed by a loud sigh.

"He's awake," Another voice called. That was a feminine voice, versus the two masculine ones he'd heard moments before. Remus finally forced himself to open his eyes to look around, to get a better grasp on his surroundings. He blinked a few times so his vision wasn't terribly blurry, and looked around the best he could without moving. There was a girl right in front of him, that was the first thing he noticed, her hand was resting on whatever he was laying on just mere inches from his nose.

"He's awake?" Another voice exclaimed. Remus groaned at the loud noise and squeezed his eyes shut again as if that would block out the noise. He heard footsteps in his direction and opened his eyes again, only to see another unfamiliar face staring back down at him. The man had dark messy hair matched with dark skin, and a pair of glasses sat atop his nose. 

"James!" The woman hissed. "I'm sure he'd like some space!" The man shot her a look, but back away nonetheless, still watching Remus with a curious gaze. Remus blinked once and shifted his gaze behind the man, James, and saw Sirius. He gave Remus a sheepish grin and a wave of the hand. Remus managed a small smile in return. "Sirius, that idiot there, saved your life," The woman told him, resuming the wiping on his face. "I'm Lily."

"Remus," He croaked. Lily nodded and tilted his chin up wiping at a small patch of skin beneath his jaw. "Where am I?"

"I suppose you deserve an explanation," Lily agreed mindlessly. "Sirius said he saw you getting the shit beat out of you, and he felt so compelled to step in. It's a good thing he did, I'd imagine you'd be dead without him." Remus turned his wrist, so his palm was facing up, telling them to look at the date on his arm. "Looks like this was meant to happen, then."

"Thanks, Sirius," Remus managed, smiling again. "

"Gotta make the best of my time here, I have three years left," Sirius joked, but it wasn't really a joke.

"I'm sorry-"

"Ah, no don't worry about it, I've known since I could walk." Remus frowned and turned back to Lily, who was rinsing the rag, making the water in the bowl she had next to her turn even a deeper shade of red. "You feeling okay? I hope I did the same amount of damage to him." Remus shrugged, ignoring the pain in his shoulder.

"As good as I can feel after that, I suppose," Remus said, trying to pull himself up. 

"Ah, no no, stay there," Lily scolded gently, pushing his shoulder back into the couch. "I hope you don't have any plans tonight or tomorrow, I don't think you should go anywhere in this condition," She told him, shaking her head.

"Do you have a phone? I'd like to call my roommate to let him know where I am." Sirius fished his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Remus. And in that brief moment where their eyes met, Remus decided Sirius deserved all the world had to give and more.


	2. Chapter 2

**October 16th**

Remus had always felt some sort of bond with the moon. Nothing strong or terribly special, but it was always there, ever since he was a child. He remembered going out with his friends when the moon was full and hung heavy in the sky, playing that they were werewolves and other beasts of the same sort. And it was because of this closeness that the ancient myth passed down through the generations really stuck out to him. 

And as Sirius's death date grew closer, Remus's heart grew both fonder, and colder, and this myth only felt like a fair deal, Sirius had saved his life and now Remus would like to save his. He'd ended up keeping in touch with Sirius, James, and Lily after they'd helped him out that night three years earlier, but he'd kept a sort of distance between himself and Sirius for the simple fact Remus knew he was the kind of man he could see himself falling in love with.

_If you make a blood sacrifice to the moon while it hung red in the sky, you would be able to swap your blood for another's and switch the dates imprinted on your wrist._

And aren't myths always based on some truth?

The myth was written in history books and was commonly talked about amongst the teenage population, everyone tried this the first chance they got. Never big blood sacrifices, maybe a frog or a fish, sometimes a cut out of one's hand, but nothing ever worked. Remus had prided himself in being able to live to the ripe old age of ninety-six, so he never did try it. But now it just didn't seem quite as appealing without Sirius there.

 _Blood sacrifice_. That phrase had stuck out to Remus. Could that be part of the reason that the trades never worked? No one was willing to go to extreme lengths to simply switch the day you die? Remus wasn't sure, but the thought was certainly interesting. And no one did it the day before someone was going to die, people were too selfish, they weren't willing to die for someone else.

"Remus?" He glanced over at James, who was giving him a concerned look. "What are you thinking about over there? I've been trying to get your attention for the past couple of minutes." Remus gave a grin and shifted in his seat, ignoring the pain that shot through his shoulder. He'd slept on it wrong last night, propped up in a chair in an attempt to comfort James about his best friend's passing in the next couple day. It was morning now, maybe ten, and Lily had made Sirius breakfast.

"Just thinking about Sirius, is all," Remus replied stiffly, properly straightening his back in the chair. James gave him a sympathetic smile and put his hand on Remus's shoulder.

"We all are." James patted his shoulder once before pulling his hand away. "Tomorrow's the day, after all." Remus nodded once and glanced at Sirius's wrist from across the room as he cut into his pancakes. October seventeenth, the date on his wrist and, as of tomorrow, the calendar. Remus dropped his head against James' shoulder and sighed. 

"Remus, I..." James voice broke before he could continue whatever he was going to say. It broke Remus's heart to hear James so broken. He was always so happy, he didn't have a mean bone in his body. "I've known him since I was a kid and... I don't know why I decided... God, I'd give anything to take his place." Remus lifted his head and bobbed it once, a silent agreement. Maybe  _he_  could take his place, he wouldn't want to lose James, either.

"I think we all would, James, we all love him," Remus told him. James took off his glasses and furiously wiped at his eyes as if crying were the worst thing in the world. Remus tentatively wrapped an around his shoulders and led him into another room so there wasn't any risk of Sirius seeing his best friend cry.

"God, Remus, I'm so sorry. I just... I can't lose him," James said, his voice barely above a whisper. "He's always been there for me, and when he needs me most I can't keep from crying, it's sad, really." Remus sat down next to James in the living room, rubbing his back with a forced smile. It was everything Remus could do to keep a straight face, he wanted nothing more than to break down in front of James.

"It's alright, James. It's not sad, well it is, but it's  _normal_ ," Remus told him. He wished Lily hadn't insisted on making Sirius breakfast and was instead in here with her boyfriend. Then again, Remus reminded himself, James was one of his best friends.

"Then why aren't you breaking down?" James wondered. Remus feared this question, and he didn't know how to answer. Saying he had liked Sirius more than he should since the moment he saw him and kept his distance because he didn't want to fall in love or scare him off didn't seem like the best response. Sure he and Sirius spent time together, just the two of them, but they hadn't gotten as close as the others, and now Remus regretted that.

"I'm just a more private person, I suppose. You wear your heart on your sleeve, making it hard for your emotions to stay concealed." James looked up at Remus, eyes wide before his lips turned up and he let out a watery chuckle.

"Thanks, Moony," James replied, wiping his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater. James had decided that was his nickname the night Remus told them all about his childhood obsession with the moon, James deeming that it was necessary for friends to give each other nicknames, but that was the only one that stuck.

"Don't call me that," Remus grumbled. Truthfully he didn't care, he was just aiming to make James laugh, to cheer him up in any way he knew how. He didn't laugh, but he did crack another smile and ruffled Remus's hair. 

"Come on, let's go make sure Sirius doesn't do anything too reckless the day before he dies," James joked. Remus frowned, just slightly, and nodded. He was going to die, and all Remus could think about were all the missed opportunities he could've had, or he could've potentially had if Sirius did feel the same way. Remus got up and followed James back into the kitchen, where Sirius was helping himself to what Remus assumed was his third or fourth stack of pancakes.

"God, Sirius," Remus said, gathering the older boy's attention. Once he saw Remus, he grinned and motioned to the seat next to him. Remus rolled his eyes and sat next to him. Sirius was putting an unholy amount of syrup on them, enough to make Remus feel sick and he'd gotten away with eating nothing but sweets for two weeks when he was thirteen.

"Want some pancakes with your syrup there, Sirius?" James teased, sitting across from Remus. 

"Oh fuck you, Potter," Sirius retorted. Remus did his best to ignore them while he used his fingers to grab a couple of pancakes of his own. Lily sat next to him and rested her head on his shoulder sighing dramatically.

"Why do we put up with them, Remus?" She said, glancing at both James and Sirius in mock disgust. Remus snorted and buttered his pancakes, soaking them in honey and jam instead of syrup. It wasn't even that good, what the hell was Sirius doing?

"You ask me," Remus replied. "You're the one who lives with the two of them, not me." Lily groaned loudly and dropped her head against the table, gaining both boys' attention, both of them turning to look at Lily in sync. 

"Dear god, don't remind me."

"Don't remind you what?" James wondered. Remus scrunched up his nose as he picked Lily's hair out of his food. Oh well, it was her sticky hair, not his.

"That I live with a couple of children!" James beamed at the statement and turned to face Sirius, picking up a can of whipped cream off the table, pointing it threateningly at the other boy, who looked horrified. Remus placed a hand on Lily's shoulder which caused her to peer up at him through her mop of fiery hair.

"Unless you want to see a truly terrifying sight, I'd keep your head in your arms," Remus said solemnly. Lily, probably against her better judgment, glanced over at James and Sirius. 

"Not the hair, James, anywhere but the hair!" Sirius cried. James looked over at Remus who raised his eyebrows. Lily sighed deeply and once again buried hours face into her arms.

"Give me the can of whipping cream, James," Remus requested, sticking out his hand. James grinned, teeth and all, and pointed the can of whipping cream at Remus. As he shot the cream towards him, Sirius took this as an opportunity to pour syrup in James' hair while he was distracted. James let out a loud yelp and turned to Sirius, still spraying whipping cream all over everyone seated at the table.

"Children," Lily repeated, clearly exasperated. Remus wiped some cream off his cheek and flung it towards Lily, hitting her right across the bridge of her nose. Her jaw dropped, her eyes narrowed, and she grabbed a small jar of plum jelly, dipping two fingers into the fruit and smearing it across the same cheek.

James couldn't fight the smirk that graced his features when he saw Remus and Lily, and he turned to Sirius, dramatically pulling him into a sticky sweet hug. "Children." Sirius only snickered.

//  
It was later that night that Sirius decided he wanted to go get drinks with Remus and Remus only. Sirius had been whisked around all day, after breakfast he went to see a film with Lily, while Remus and James stayed back, both of them having the comfort the other until he returned. After that they all had lunch with Peter at his flat, then James and Sirius walked around town until the sun dipped behind the horizon and they had dinner.

"It's Remus's turn!" Sirius insisted, tossing an arm across the younger boy's shoulders. "A movie with Lily, lunch with Peter, a walk and dinner with James, it's only fair I go get drinks with Remus!" Truthfully, Remus would rather not go get drinks, but he didn't have the heart to tell him that.

"Fine!" James sighed. "I just think that's something we should all do!" Lily put a hand on James' arm, a silent look asking him to stop.

"Well don't you want some alone time with Lily? You never get any!" Sirius lifted one arm into the air and unconsciously pulled Remus closer as he tried to do the same with the arm wrapped around his shoulder.

"I'll get plenty of that when you're gone, not much longer now!" They all froze at James' words. James seemed to realize what he'd said a moment too late, and covered his mouth. They all had a single rule: don't mention Sirius's passing, it'll make things harder on everyone. Sirius turned to Remus and gave his shoulder a slight squeeze.

"C'mon Rem, let's go." Remus didn't protest or try to stop Sirius as he led him out of the house. He didn't remove his arm from around Remus's shoulders, and Remus wasn't sure that he wanted to. "He's right." Remus nearly jumped when Sirius finally spoke despite his quiet voice.

"Sirius-"

"I only have twenty-four hours left, and that's if I'm lucky, I may only have..." Sirius pulled out his phone and checked the time.   "Two and a half hours left." Remus lifted one of his arms and grabbed Sirius's hand, just barely, their fingers only slightly brushing.

"Sirius, that may be true, but dwelling on it isn't going to make it any better, it's not going to make it go away," Remus said. Sirius pulled his arm away from Remus, and in turn pulled his hand away too.

"I know that, Remus!" Sirius bit, and this time Remus did jump. "I'm sorry, I'm just... scared. I act like I don't care or everything's okay, but in truth, I'm terrified. I don't want to die, Moony. I thought by the time the day came I'd be prepared to die, but I'm not. I'm really not."

"No one is totally ready to die when their day comes, I don't care if they live to twenty or to a hundred, there will always be a part of them that doesn't want to die. It's okay to be afraid, maybe you won't die tomorrow. Maybe there's actually been a mistake this time." Sirius only offered a small smile.

"Well, let's go get those drinks, shall we?"

When they arrived at the bar, Remus felt an overwhelming sense of nostalgia, this would always be deemed as the place his life changed, the place he met Sirius. The older boy led Remus over to the bar and took a seat next to him, giving him a lopsided smile. "So, will it be another OJ or do you want something stronger?" Remus gave his shoulder a shove, but he couldn't keep the smile off his lips.

"Oh, fuck off, Black," Remus said, laughing lightly. Sirius just grinned and ordered them both some whiskey. Neither particularly enjoyed it, but it wasn't the worst thing in the world.

"Did you ever talk to that boyfriend after that night?" Sirius wondered. Remus almost considered lying to him, but he wasn't quite sure why. He'd talked to Sebastian a few times after that night, all of which had been Sebastian apologizing and begging Remus to take him back, but Remus had declined every single time, a part of him always thinking that he wanted Sirius instead.

"Yeah, I suppose I did a few times, never on my own accord," Remus told him. Sirius nodded thoughtfully and took another drink of the whiskey in his glass.

"What did you talk about?"

"He talked about how sorry he was and I always told him to fuck off." Sirius snorted at that. Remus managed a small grin, though he didn't quite find the amusement in it. Sirius always was one to find humor in everything, though.

"You deserved someone so much better than him, he treated you terribly and you...  you just let him." Remus simply shrugged, trying to ignore how his heart sped up at the words. It didn't even  _mean_  anything, Remus thought miserably.

"He wasn't usually that bad, only when he drank or... I don't know, I kind of provoked him." Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"How?"

"Talking back to him."

"That's just standing up for yourself, you only talk back to adults when you're a child, not your boyfriend when you're an adult," Sirius said, shaking his head as he finished the last of his drink. Remus didn't respond after that, he didn't know what to say.

"Was he your last boyfriend?" Remus nodded in response to Sirius's question.

"First and last,  _only_ , I suppose." Sirius gave him a curious glance but this time he was the one who didn't know what to say.

"We should head out," Remus said. They hadn't been there long, but Remus was scared that if he made eye contact with him one more time he'd kiss him, and he really didn't want to do that right now, even though it may be the very last time he'll be able to. "Thank you for the drinks."

"Course, Rem. We never really got to do things together, just the two of us. I'm sorry about that." Remus smiled slightly. "I'll walk you home." He agreed to this and let the bar with Sirius at his side.

"What's it like knowing you'll get to live a long, full life?" The question caught Remus off guard, and he tilted his head slightly at the question. He didn't know, it was normal, but he knew that wasn't the answer Sirius wanted. "I always thought it'd be nice, you know? To live a long life, but who knows what'll happen in that time."

"It's... almost scary, but it's the kind of fear that also comes with a sense of relief. I don't think much about it, because I don't care when I die, which is a bit unfair, I think people who don't care should be the ones with short life spans," Remus told him. "I'd trade our dates in a heartbeat, you're the one who  _wants_  the long life, not me."

"Don't say that! You deserve it!" Sirius exclaimed. Remus only shrugged.

"It is what it is, I guess." Sirius nodded in agreement. "I'll miss you, you know. I think everyone except for me has said it." Remus glanced over at him. He was staring intently at the ground, but when he finally looked up he smiled. The way the streetlamps lit up his features make him look like he's glowing.

"I'll miss you too, death is just the next adventure, right?" Remus stopped in front of his house, preparing to wish Sirius goodnight, but before he was able to Sirius wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, burying his face into Remus's shoulder. "In case I die before you stop by tomorrow."

Remus wrapped his arms back around Sirius, his long hair tickling his nose. "Goodnight, Sirius. This isn't goodbye, not yet." Sirius pulled away with a sad smile and gave a half-hearted wave before he disappeared from sight.

"Remus!" He spun around to see Sebastian walking up the sidewalk, coming from the opposite direction that Sirius left. Behind him, Remus could see the red moon, and he knew what he had to do. Pushing all normal thinking aside, he lifted an arm and waved over Sebastian.

**************

"Bash!" He exclaimed, grinning. Sebastian made his way over to Remus and dipped his head in greeting. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I was in the neighborhood and I figured I'd drop by and say hi," Sebastian explained. Remus nodded and offered for him to come inside, which clearly surprised Bash. "Someone's in a good mood tonight." Remus turned back to look at Bash.

"More hopeful, I think," Remus murmured, mostly to himself, but Bash still heard.

"Hopeful, hmm?" Bash mused, leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen, where Remus was glancing around, looking for an appropriate weapon.

"Very," Remus agreed.  _Blood sacrifice_ , Remus repeated in his head. Nothing clean, he imagined, something bloody.  Remus felt sick to his stomach, was he really going to go through with this? "Go wait out in the garden, I'll be out in a minute."

"Alright," Sebastian agreed. Remus released the breath he'd been holding and thumped his head against one of the cupboards above the counter. Was he  _really_  going to go through with this? He reached out and brushed his fingertips along the handle of the knife, contemplating further.

A life-  _two_  lives- for one. One very,  very important and special life, more important than any other Remus had encountered in his twenty-one years of life. He grasped through knife handle and looked it over. Was this really worth it? He wasn't even sure it would work! Was he really going to murder someone with the possibility of it not working? He glanced at the time, twenty-seven more minutes until it's the seventeenth.

After another brief moment, Remus decided that  _yes_ , yes he was. His grip tightened before he set the knife on the counter so he could slip off his shirt, it was one of his favorites,  after all, and he didn't want it stained with blood. He grabbed the knife and opened the back door, slipping out into the cool October air, eyes squinted as he scanned the backyard for Sebastian.

 _Blood sacrifice._  Remus felt like he was going to be sick. He really thought he was, but he steadied and relaxed himself the best he could. Of course, he'd kill for the ones he loves, but like this? Remus knew he wasn't going to turn back no matter how sick he felt. He briefly wondered if today was Sebastian's death date. His parents had gotten it permanently covered, as a lot of parents did when he was a year old, and only they knew the date.

"Remus." He turned and saw Sebastian, hesitantly eyeing the knife tightly gripped in his hand. Remus instinctively hid it behind his back, but the damage had been done.

"I..." Remus trailed off and frowned. Remus hesitated for another moment before he lunged, tripping Sebastian and getting him to the ground.  He sat on his chest, a leg on either side of Sebastian's body. He opened his mouth, probably to yell, but Remus quickly covered it with his free hand. He could feel his own heart beating fast, he could hear the pounding in his ears, and he hesitated once again.

Sebastian's eyes were wide as he thrashed beneath Remus's weight, not that he weighed much for his height and his age, in fact, he was a bit underweight. Remus met his eyes before turning to look at the knife in his other hand and brought the blade to rest lightly on Sebastian's throat, not pressing hard enough to break any skin. Sebastian suddenly stilled, eyes still wide. Remus glanced at his watch.

 _11:56_. It was now or never.

Remus moved the knife so the blade was placed flat on the side of his neck, pushed down, and slid the knife to the other side of Sebastian's neck. Blood pooled around the wound, staining the grass beneath him red. The guilt that washed over him made him light-headed, and the blood on his hands made him feel sick.

He wiped the knife off on Sebastian's shirt and placed the blade against his own hand, placing it across the wound on Sebastian's throat. Blood, it needed to come from two people, Remus could feel it, the necessity to mix his blood with Sebastian's. He stopped breathing shortly after, and Remus scrambled off his body, wiping his hands on his jeans.

As Remus looked up, he was immediately drawn to the moon, the blood moon, and he felt a pain on his wrist. He let out a soft cry of pain and gripped his wrist, looking back at the body. The blood appeared black and thick in the moonlight, and the smell of copper and blood hit Remus's nose, making his stomach churn threateningly.

**October 17th**

Once the pain on his wrist finally stopped throbbing, he looked down at the date on his arm, which clearly read October seventeen, followed by their current year. Remus's heart skipped a beat.  _It actually worked._ Has it ever worked for anyone else before? He suddenly felt ten times colder and five times heavier as he trekked over to his shed and pulled out a shovel, before grabbing one of Sebastian's feet and dragging him into the forest behind his house.

He only went in maybe fifty feet before he started to dig. The dirt was soft and moved easily with the shovel. Remus never was very strong, so he knew he wouldn't be able to dig too deep before his arms gave way. But, of course, before his arms could even get too tired, his heart gave a terrible lurch and he fell onto the ground between the dead body and the partially dug grave.


	3. Chapter 3

**October 17th**

The moment Remus felt his heart quiver in his chest before he toppled to the ground, his last thought was that he'd never get to say goodbye to Sirius, and as a brief afterthought he realized he was probably never going to wake up, then he lost consciousness. It was quicker and a lot darker, deeper, than he'd ever felt before. He had felt nauseous and dizzy and like he was on top of the world all at the time, making his mind spin.

Then he realized he was thinking.

His brain was working.

He wasn't dead.

With the realization, pain overwhelmed him, his muscles ached with exhaustion, his wrist still stung because of the shifting date. The left side of his chest throbbed terribly, probably from the episode last night, when his heart had nearly stopped and knocked him unconscious. His head pounded as though he'd hit it on something, and he realized he probably had. He felt cool, dead skin again his own and someone calling out his name.

He still wasn't quite what was going on, and dug his fingers into the soft dirt beneath him, which almost felt as cool as the skin pressed against his arm. He briefly remembered dragging a body into the forest, and slowly things began to piece themselves together in a more organized manner. He killed someone last night to save Sirius's life, he was supposed to die today. Now Remus was supposed to die today. He'd felt blood cover his hands and dry beneath his fingernails, and he suddenly lifted his arm and began to scrape blood off his other hand.

"Remus?" This time he was definitely sure he heard a voice, a female voice. Oh my god, someone found him before he had gotten the body buried. When the voice repeated, he knew hr recognized it as Lily, and if Lily was here that meant James was too. He covered the date on his wrist and finally opened his eyes, expecting to see Lily or James, but no, instead he immediately saw a bloody throat and dead eyes, still open, staring into his own. And Remus threw up, right there on his side, onto the ground. It was mostly bile and the alcohol he'd drank the previous night.

Warm hands finally touched his arm and his shoulder, and another gently touched his back. Remus turned his head and looked up, finally seeing two very concerned, and very confused faces. Lily had been crying, and Remus felt sick all over again. Instead of throwing up, though, he let out a loud sob. Lily moved and let James help Remus into a sitting position.

"Remus..." Lily whispered, kneeling in front of him. She was so pretty, she was so kind and she didn't deserve whatever Remus had accidentally dragged her into. She dipped her head a bit more, her face a few inches from his own. Her eyes perfectly resembled a lime, bright and cheerful, the perfect green. Her eyelashes were incredibly long, something he knew girls had envied her for. Her red hair was in a messy bun atop her head, a few strands framing her face. She reached up and brushed hair out of his face, and he leaned into her hand, hoping she didn't hate him. "What did you do?"

Remus, before he decided to answer, lifted his wrist to show them the new date imprinted in his skin. "I saved Sirius's life," Remus told them. Lily drew back, eyes wide, and James let out a gasp. "I wasn't... I wasn't going to do anything but Sebastian just showed up and the answer just seemed so obvious..." Neither of them looked upset but rather sympathetic.

"You're a mess," Lily whispered, tossing her arms around Remus as a show of sisterly affection. Remus would've hugged her back but his arms and hands were still covered in blood. Instead, he thumped his forehead against her shoulder. She tangled a hand in his curly hair and held him in place, and it took Remus a minute to realize she was once again crying.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I couldn't just let him die." James had picked up the shovel and resumed digging the hole that Remus had left incomplete.

"Lily get Remus out of here, I can finish this up," James told her. She nodded and pulled away from Remus, before pulling him up.

"I can't just let you-"

"You can and you will, Remus, now go." Lily grabbed Remus's blood-covered hand without a second thought. Remus stumbled over his feet and started following her.

"Why are you here?" Remus wondered. James and Lily never usually showed up at Remus's house, not without good reason, the last time they were there it was because Sirius had disappeared, and as it turned out he'd tried to run away from them because he didn't want to hurt them when he ultimately died. Lily took a minute to respond, Remus could tell she was both upset and didn't want to tell him, but he also knew she ultimately would.

"Sirius never showed up last night, we figured we'd come to see if he stayed with you. I would guess that's not the case." Remus shook his head no. Had he disappeared again? Remus hoped he hadn't been too late last night. "I can't believe you did that, Remus! Killed a man, your first love, at that, and gave your own life just to save his!" Lily ranted, dragging him inside his house and into his bathroom. "Now we're going to lose you instead!"

"It'll be easier. You haven't known me near as long as you've known Sirius, it won't be as hard letting go of me," Remus promised. Lily said nothing and rummer through his cupboards, finally finding a rag. She seated him on the toilet lid, dampening the cloth and setting to work on cleaning him up.

"That's not true. It won't be any easier.  Yes, we haven't known you as long but we love you just as much as we love Sirius." Remus said nothing and flipped his hand over so his palm was facing up. She wiped the blood off of his hands.

"I'm still sorry. Thank you, though, for not hating me." Lily tossed him a forced smile.

"I know if James was in your situation he would've done the same thing. He loves Sirius, but not as much as you do. Or at least not in the same way." Remus pursed his lips and looked down at her, where she had tilted her head and raised her eyebrows, challenging him.

"What are you saying?" Remus wondered, doing his best to play stupid.

"I know you love him. Oh don't worry, I'm not going to say anything to him, Remus, that'd be cruel." Remus looked down at his date, expecting to see that day's date, but instead, there was an 'x' that was slightly lopsided. "First he was going to die, and now who knows when you'll die."

"My date said Sirius's date last night," Remus told her, lifting his wrist so he could examine it further. Lily looked up at him briefly and set to work on his other hand. "What the fuck?" Remus uttered under his breath.

"This is a first, you know. There are no documented cases of death days changing. Ever. So I wouldn't know, nor would anyone else, even the scholars that study death days relentlessly. This is new territory. Are you going to report it?" Lily sighed once she cleaned off his other hand so the cut on his palm was visible. "Where's your peroxide? And if you don't have any, where's your rubbing alcohol?" Remus lifted his hand and pointed to the cupboard.

"Up there. I don't know if I'll report it, I don't see any point in it," Remus admitted with a shrug. Lily shifted through the cupboard and pulled out the rubbing alcohol, pouring it onto the still damp cloth, wiping off his cut.

"There's a point, but you know they'd study you relentlessly," Lily told him. Remus knew that was true, every time something rumored turned out to be true, the press was all over it. He and Sirius would never be free from the press. Plus, murder rates would rise and mortality would be too flexible, Remus knew that would not be good.

"No, actually, I won't." Lily nodded as if she agreed with him. "People would be too power hungry, they'd try to do it for selfish reasons."

"And you did it selflessly. Saving someone who arguably didn't deserve to live as much as you did, and he has no idea." Remus shot her a bitter look. Sirius deserved it more than he did, Sirius wasn't a murderer. The thought made Remus frown, but he didn't feel as guilty about it as he did the night before.  Maybe because now he knew it had worked.

"I'm sorry," Remus said again.

"So am I, you and Sirius both deserve to live, you're both wonderful people," Lily replied, tossing the now-stained rag into the trash. "You should get cleaned up more, take a shower."

"In a minute."

"How'd you know it was Sirius's life you saved?" Lily wondered, standing up and hopping up on the counter next to where Remus sat. Remus frowned, he didn't know, not really, but he also did know.

"You said it yourself, Lils, I love him." Lily turned to face him, once again appearing sympathetic. Remus shrugged and looked away, he didn't want the pity she was bound to give. Well, maybe a bit.  "You can't tell him."

"I know, he would blame himself for your death. Let him just think it was the fates giving him another chance." Remus nodded in agreement.

"I guess I'll shower now, I just need-" Before he could finish the sentence, James burst through the door, holding his phone out to Remus. James had dirt smeared across his face and covering his hands, as well as blood, making Remus feel heavy with guilt. James pushed the phone towards him again, so he grabbed it and gave him a curious look.

"Hello?" Remus said. He didn't know what he was expecting, he should've known it was Sirius on the line. There was a breathy laugh, and then he spoke.

"You were right, Rem," Sirius told him.

"Right about what?"

"My death date," Sirius said, as though it was obvious. His heart sped up,  oh god, did James tell him what he'd done? Remus looked up at James in a brief moment of panic, but he only lifted his hands as though he was surrendering. "It's changed, Remus!" And with that phrase, Remus was sure once more that Sirius had no idea what he'd done.

"That's wonderful!" Remus exclaimed, though his voice sounded dull. "How'd it happen? What is it now?"

"I don't know! I was on the beach last night and I ended up falling asleep, but maybe ten minutes ago I woke up to my wrist burning, and the date was different! I'm going to live to eighty-two, I'm so... oh my god Remus!" Sirius sounded so excited, it made all the pain and the guilt and everything else he felt worth it, it whisked it away.

"Hey Sirius, maybe after I shower and clean up my place a bit we can all go get lunch to celebrate, yeah? I'll pay," Remus offered. He could almost hear Sirius smile on the other line.

"Sure! I'll let you go now, I imagine James will tell Lily. Bye, Moony!" And then the line went dead. Remus handed the phone back to James, who was all but glaring at Remus. Remus was shaking, rather violently, and he couldn't bring himself to speak. He stood up, trying to get them both out of the bathroom, but James refused to leave.

"Lily go get him some clothes," James requested. Lily nodded and rushed off. James gripped Remus's hands in his own, trying to catch his eye. "Remus?"

"I'm sorry!" He cried. And then he was. Crying, that is. Fat tears slid down his dirty cheeks, leaving clean trails behind them. James pulled Remus into a hug. "I just didn't want Sirius to die! I had to do something! He saved my life once and I thought it'd only be fair if I saved his in return!" James gently rubbed Remus's back. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry," He whispered against James' shirt. "Don't tell him."

"I won't tell him. He saved your life because it was fate, it was meant to happen, Remus. You saved something that was set before you were born." Remus only cried, apologizing profusely.  "You're just as much a brother to me as Sirius is, I forgive you, Remus. I would've done the same thing had I known, it's okay."

"I'm a monster," Remus whispered. James pulled away and Remus nearly toppled over, as he was letting James support him, he couldn't support himself right now. James steadied him and gripped Remus's jaw, forcing him to look at him.

"Never say that!" James hissed.  Remus avoided his eyes, looking anywhere but James. He was a monster. "Remus... please... I can't..." He trailed off.

"James I killed him."

"I know, and you also willingly gave your life to save someone else, I think it all evens out," James told him.

"God, I'm such a mess," Remus murmured.

"Come on, get in the shower, I'll bring in your clothes in a minute."

"James, can you stay? Just... I don't... I don't want to be alone." James hesitated. Remus felt like a young child again, asking his mother to stay in his room when he was convinced there were monsters under his bed. He didn't feel twenty-one, and for a moment he didn't mind accepting the little bits of comfort he was asking for.

"Yeah, yeah I can stay. Sometimes when Sirius has bad panic attacks he doesn't want to be alone. I've stayed with him many times while he's showered, some just a few weeks ago." Remus smiled softly, uttering words of his thanks as he turned on the water and undressed.

"Thank you for burying him, by the way," Remus told him once he was in the shower.

"You were in no condition to do it," James replied as if it were no big deal. But it was, they both knew it was. It was a dead body that Remus was desperately trying to cover up, and somehow his two closest friends had gotten roped into it as well, and for that Remus felt guilty.

"You didn't have to." Remus reached for the shampoo and poured some in his hand.

"Remus I'm going to miss you, don't get me wrong but I need to thank you for saving Sirius. I'd thank him if the roles were reversed, I just wish you were able to do it without putting your own life on the line." Remus lathered the shampoo into his hair while James spoke, and rinsed it before he replied.

"Well, I couldn't just let him die without at least trying to save him, I honestly can't believe it worked," Remus admitted.

"Nor can I. But I'm glad it did."

"Me too."

It was silent after that, and after Remus had cleaned himself he just let the water beat down on his shoulders and his neck, temporarily relieving any pain. The only time either of then spoke until Remus got out of the shower was when Lily dropped off Remus's clothes, and both of them responded in a small word of thanks. After a while longer Remus turned off the water and told James he could leave now if he'd like, and he did.

He dried off quickly and haphazardly, tossing on his clothes that cling to his still-damp body, his hair still flinging drops of water every time he moved. After he was dressed, he paused and glanced in the mirror. He looked harmless, Remus frowned deeply because he wasn't. He... he was a murderer. The dark bags under his eyes appeared more prominent than they usually did. He blinked once, then twice, and then after the third, he screwed his eyes shut and leaned heavily against the marble counter.

It'll be okay, he told himself, just breathe.

He managed to compose himself before walking into the living room where James and Lily sat, both holding a mug full of what Remus assumed to be tea. They both smiled at Remus, though they looked a bit forced. Remus sat on the chair that was turned to partially face the couch, and leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.

"How do I cover this up," Remus deadpanned, lifting his wrist to show the prominent black 'x' that contrasted on his pale wrist. James and Lily shared a glance. There was a way to cover it permanently, but once you reached the age of six those were no longer possible. There were bracelets that covered it, but Remus knew that was too risky.

"Tattoo over it," Lily suggested. That... was not a bad idea. Usually, adults or older teens didn't want to cover their date, so very few people got it tattooed over. Usually only adorned with flowers or other abstract markings, but not covered.

"Before lunch?" Remus requested though it came out as more of a question. James and Lily were, naturally quick to agree, and they set off, the clock already read ten thirty. "I just hope we find a tattoo artist who can keep this to themselves."

"We will, I can bribe them or something," James offered with a small smirk. Remus felt a surge of affection for his best friend and an urge to hug him, but he refrained. He'd ready cried on him and made him stay in the bathroom while he showered, another hug just didn't feel like other was a good idea. Then Remus frowned because no, James didn't need to spend any money on him, that just wasn't fair after everything that had happened that morning.

"Thank you for the offer, James, but if they need to be bribed I will be the one doing the bribing, not you." James shrugged.

"Alright, but the offer still stands." Remus only smiled this time, a small smile, but James still saw it. "Well, let's go now, shall we?"

When they arrived, Remus kept his right hand (the hand with the date) firmly shoved into his pocket. He'd never gotten a tattoo, he'd left that to Sirius, who had a total of five tattoos covering his body. He had the words "forever young" in calligraphy beneath his death date, a dragon snaking up his right arm, the one he didn't have his death date on.  He had a small bouquet of Daises on his left shoulder blade, claiming they were his favorite flower. Remus had been with him while he'd gotten that one and he tried to convince Remus to do the same, but he was too scared to go through with it. He had the date he met James on his right wrist, and lastly, a dog on his right ankle.

"Oh my god. This is going to hurt," Remus murmured. James nudged his shoulder with his own, assuring him it's really not that bad. James had a tattoo as well, but only one, as did Lily. They both had the same death date, they'd live to be seventy-two, both of them set to die on Halloween. Because of this, James had gotten a single Lily beneath his date, and Lily had gotten a set of antlers around hers because James always liked to think he'd be a stag if he was an animal.

"Needles," Remus whispered, horrified. Lily giggled and tossed an arm around his shoulders, which couldn't have been easy, as she was quite a bit shorter than he was.

"Remus, love," she began, looking up at him. "It's not near as bad as you're making it out to be."

"Still!" Lily and Remus hung a bit behind while James talked to the woman behind the counter. "I want to get a tattoo with Sirius after this if I don't die today."

"Why?" Lily asked. Remus grinned slightly, just a ghost of a smile.

"When he got those Daises, I told him I'd get my first tattoo with him, it only seems fair, I think." Lily grinned and rolled her lime green eyes, shaking her head in amusement. "What?"

"Oh, nothing." Remus gave her a curious look. "Really, don't worry about it." Remus shrugged and turned his attention back to James, who gave them a thumbs up and motioned for them to follow. "It'll be fine, Remus," Lily assured him.

It wasn't near as bad as Remus had originally anticipated, thankfully. It had stung, sure, but the tattoo artist, along with James and Lily, had done a great job of keeping him distracted. He'd ended up briefly (it wasn't actually brief) telling the tattoo artist, whose name was Alice, about how he'd ended up with a missing death date. She'd asked if he loved Sirius, and he only shrugged. James apparently hadn't considered this and began whispering to Lily.

"It was selfless, you know," Alice had told him, gently wiping the ink off his arm. "Please don't let this change whatever is left of your life. You killed someone, yes, but you didn't do it just because you could, you did it for a loved one. You don't have much time left, that much is clear, so please don't let this effect you. Alright?" Remus had only been able to nod, whatever weight was on his shoulders evaporated. If a stranger could understand, then James and Lily did too, and he should too.

When they arrived back at their house, Sirius was sitting on a chair outside their house, gazing down at the date on his arm with an awed expression. Remus glanced down at his own arm, the 'x' (or date, as far as everyone else was concerned) was now covered in black ink, a small rectangle. Remus resisted the urge to hide it as if Sirius would immediately notice something wrong.

"Moony!" Sirius's voice filled Remus with guilt and butterflies. He looked so much more alive, as if more color returned to his cheeks, making him look slightly flushed. His skin was a shade darker too, Remus swore he looked just as he did three years ago. Remus felt a surge of nausea at what he did to get Sirius to this state, but just looking at him Remus knew it was for the best. Sirius was positively beaming, he  _deserved_  this! He deserved it more than anyone else.

When they finally got close enough to each other to reach out and touch, Sirius stuck out his left arm, palm up and outstretched, showing off the new date on his wrist. Remus fought the urge to brush his fingertips across the date, and instead offered a bright smile, as wide and happy as he could. "I told you it wouldn't be goodbye," Remus mused, grabbing Sirius's arm and lifting it a bit closer to his face to examine it. "It's real."

"No shit, don't you think that was my first concern? Remus, don't you see? I get a second chance at life, more time to spend with James and Lily, and Peter!" Sirius paused, only for a moment, before he seemed to remember Remus was within that group too. At least, he hoped he fell into the group of Sirius's friends, they all thought so, did Sirius not think that way? "And you, of course, I can practically hear you overthinking."

"Shut up," Remus joked, shoving Sirius's shoulder. "I'm so happy for you,  Sirius, I truly am." Sirius took a step forward and for a terrible second, Remus thought he might hug him again for the second time in twenty-four hours, and the thought made Remus's heart pound even harder. Of course, he would've accepted, but every time he so much as barely touched Sirius Black he swore he could feel warmth being distributed throughout his whole body.

"What happened to your wrist?" Sirius asked suddenly. Remus frowned, in Sirius's excitement he had allowed himself to forget about his own inevitable death, and just how close it could potentially be. He glanced down at the blacked out rectangle on his wrist. What was an excuse? An honest to god  _good_  excuse to why he'd covered his perfectly long lifespan in black ink.

"When you live to meet a hundred people get nosy, they ask too many questions. It gets really old really fast, good luck with that." Remus felt bad for lying to Sirius, he really did, but he knew he couldn't tell him the truth, he'd only blame himself, despite the situation being entirely Remus's fault. Remus smiled over at Sirius once more. "Aren't we going to get lunch with everyone?"

"Well, I suppose we should get going." And even just waking, Remus noticed, Sirius was perfect. The sway of hips and the slightly swinging arms, the perfect heel-to-toe step, and even the way how hair moved along with him was simply perfect. Remus realized he'd just gained one more reason to love Sirius Black.


	4. Chapter 4

Sitting next to Sirius during lunch was one of the most painful things Remus had ever experienced, only topped by the murder he'd committed to save him. It all felt different now, though Remus was probably the only one who both thought and felt it. He felt like Sirius was more relaxed and a bit more carefree, he kept nudging Remus if he was quiet too long and laughing loudly. He never laughed that loud, and he never was even remotely affectionate towards anyone other than James. He didn't even like being touched by anyone outside his very close friend group, and even that was a stretch sometimes, so the fact he gave everyone a hug that day, and Lily even got a kiss on the cheek, it said a lot.

Lily had been watching Remus the whole time, he could feel her gaze burning holes through his skin. He wasn't sure why she was finding him particularly interesting at that time, but he'd learned to just let her. Let her analyze him until she was satisfied with whatever result she ended up with, whether it be good or bad. She didn't take her eyes off him until James nudged her, whispering about how much better Sirius was as if neither of the two boys could hear him.

When they left, they piled into James' car, and let him take them home. James offered for Remus to stay with them that night, and he almost declined because of the fact he wouldn't feel comfortable staying so close to Sirius, but he agreed anyway when he realized how scared he was of being alone. Peter had been his old roommate, but ever since he'd gotten his own place it'd only gotten harder for Remus to stay there. It'd be even harder with the knowledge that there was a dead body buried in his backyard, one that was his own fault.

Dinner had gone by more smoothly than lunch had, at least in Remus's opinion. They'd ordered a couple pizzas from a local shop, and piled into the living room (after inviting Peter, of course, since he missed lunch) to watch 80s movies upon Sirius's requests. They'd gotten through three movies when Remus finally excused himself to his room (The Princess Bride, The Breakfast Club, and Dirty Dancing being the movies). He would've stayed for the next movie (Ghostbusters) had he not felt so overwhelmed. There were only four other people in the room, but Remus couldn't seem to focus on anything else.

After retreating to the guest bedroom (there were three bedrooms, one for James and Lily and then Sirius's room, leaving one extra that night as well have been Remus's room) he kicked off his shoes and his jeans before climbing under the cool sheets of the bed. He breathed in deeply. The whole room smelled of clean linen, meaning Lily must've done laundry the day before. It also smelled of rain because one of the windows in the room was open, letting in a too cold breeze that brought in the sweet scent of rain. Remus just couldn't force himself to get up to fix it.

It took him at least thirty minutes to fall asleep. Most of that time was spent over thinking about everything that had happened throughout the past couple of days, as had been usual for Remus at this point. What if Sirius ended up finding out? How would he react? Remus had done it for him, which already would be too much in Sirius's eyes, especially if he found out  _why_  he had done it in the first place. He briefly wondered if the fresh tattoo across his non-existent death date was enough to give it away, or at least make Sirius suspicious. He hoped not. Things like this never turned out the way people wanted them to, and that was enough to make Remus uneasy when he finally drifted off to sleep.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep when he felt another body slip into bed next to him, making him scoot back and nearly fall off the bed. This bed was by no means big, it was a twin bed, which meant it was barely big enough for one person, especially a full grown man. But two full grown men? That was pretty much impossible, at least, it was impossible to share without at least touching, and Remus's heart practically hurt because of the speed it was beating, it felt like a hummingbird's wings. He immediately knew it was Sirius. Lily wouldn't do this without some sort of warning, and James wouldn't unless Remus had asked him to, and Peter? No, that was not likely at all. And so, that left Sirius.

"What? What are you doing?" Remus asked, his voice still hoarse and thick with sleep. He cracked his eyes open, and with the moonlight he could briefly make out Sirius's features, only confirming what Remus had originally suspected. His eyes were open too, and he was frowning, which only confused the younger boy. Remus thought nothing of it and let his eyes close once more.

"You lied to me," Sirius said as if it were obvious. One type of fear was replaced with another, a new fear, one so deep and terrifying Remus thought he was going to start crying right there in front of Sirius. How had he even found out? James and Lily promised not to tell him, and they always were good about keeping secrets that needed to be kept, and this was definitely one of those secrets. Had the tattoo given it away? That was Remus's initial thought, and a whole new wave of fear swept over him, making him open his eyes again.

"What?" Remus whispered. There was already the possibility he was interpreting this wrong as it was, so he decided not to say anything. Sirius shifted his legs, and now his knee was pressed against Remus's. Because he was practically off the bed, that's all that was touching, but they were still impossibly close.

**October 18th**

"You told me you'd let me take you to get your first tattoo, but no, instead you let James and Lily take you?" Remus released the breath he'd been holding and relaxed, brushing his own curly hair out of his face. Sirius's lip turned upwards in a lopsided smile, and Remus let out a breathy laugh. "I made an appointment for you to get one tomorrow with me, so surprise!" Remus only laughed again, he could handle that. He could handle getting a tattoo with Sirius. He wouldn't mind getting a second tattoo, a proper tattoo. He had promised, after all, but he didn't think such dire circumstances would pop up when he had.

"Alright, that sounds good. What time is the appointment?" The agreement made Sirius's smile take over all his features, and his eyes crinkled up at the sides. Remus felt warm all over when Sirius looked at him with those godforsaken eyes.

"Noon. Hey Moony, what's your favorite flower?" Remus's thoughts immediately circled back to the tattoo Sirius had on his shoulder, the small bouquet of wilted and aged daisies. Remus's favorite flowers were not daisies, his favorite flower was the dahlia. But with the thought of the daisies forever tattooed on Sirius's shoulder, he could only smile again.

"Daisies, same as you. I thought I told you that when you got it tattooed?" Remus replied. He knew damn well he didn't tell Sirius his favorite flower was a daisy because it wasn't, but Sirius didn't need to know that. "Why?" Remus also knew why he was asking, he wanted Remus to get a tattoo of his favorite flower, which at this point may end up matching the one Sirius had on his shoulder blade. At least, that's what Remus was hoping. He was going to die soon enough, it wouldn't last long. 

"Because, Moony dear, that's the tattoo you're going to get," Sirius whispered. He made it seem like it was some secret, the fact he was getting daisies as a tattoo. His voice was lower, quieter, head closer to Remus than it needed to be, and a quick glance of eyes, as if to make sure no one was listening in.

"Like yours?" Remus wondered. Sirius nodded in agreement.

"Just like mine," Sirius confirmed. "You were there when I got it tattooed, and now I'll be there when you get the same thing tattooed. It's only fair, truly." But it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Remus had just lied to Sirius as an excuse to get the same tattoo he had on his shoulder. It wasn't fair he had lied about more than that. It wasn't fair he let himself fall and be in love with Sirius when one of the two was facing death. First Sirius, now Remus, the universe really had it out to get them.

"I suppose it is," He agreed.

"Can I stay in here tonight?" Sirius asked. The question caught Remus off guard and he looked up at him. Remus had the word yes on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it back, he couldn't seem  _too_ eager.

"What?" Sirius shrugged and shied away, nearly falling off the bed as Remus had nearly done earlier.

"Nothing. Never mind." Sirius began to sit up to go into his own room, but Remus grabbed his wrist before he could.

"Sirius you  _can_ tell me, you know," Remus whispered, eyebrows raised. Sirius sighed and fell backward onto the bed, landing quite painfully on Remus. Sirius's shoulder blades uncomfortably digging into Remus's side and his head laid across Remus's chest. The younger man was convinced he was going to die right then and there.

"I didn't think I'd live this long," Sirius began, shifting so his shoulder blades were no longer digging into Remus but his head was still resting on his chest. "I would think that much is pretty obvious. I thought I'd be dead but now it's the eighteenth of October and I'm still here. I can't figure out why I'm still here, and it's terrifying because as far as we know this has never happened before. I guess I just... I don't want to be alone tonight. James is asleep with Lily on the chair in the living room and usually, I'd go but him, but I just... I don't want to disturb them tonight. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Sirius, I understand what you mean. Well, sort of. Something happened last night and I didn't want to be alone, so this morning I had James stay in the bathroom with me while I showered. Everyone doesn't want to be alone sometimes, it's normal, so of course, you can stay here." Once he finished, he could feel Sirius's shoulders shaking with either laughter or because he was crying, and Remus couldn't figure out which.

"Thank you," Sirius responded, his voice much softer than it was previously. He shifted himself so he was laying next to Remus instead of on top of him. He was facing him too, which Remus could've done without but he didn't breathe a word. Instead, when Sirius draped an arm around Remus's waist, he only pulled him closer. In this situation being alone couldn't be easy, he had sympathy for Sirius. He probably felt like it was wrong for him to be alive. After reading what was Sirius's death date on his arm just once, he felt like it was wrong for him to be alive. He couldn't imagine how Sirius felt.

It wasn't long before Sirius fell asleep. Remus could feel his chest rising and falling with every breath. He shifted slightly, repositioning his shoulders in an attempt to make them not so tense. But they still felt too tense, and his breath felt far too controlled, and Remus hated it. Every single time he closed his eyes he saw the deep red blood coating his hands, and every time the scene decided to shift he saw dead eyes boring into his own, and he felt the nausea sweep over him again as if he was reliving it.

The only thing that even kept him partially grounded at that very moment was Sirius. His breathing, the rising and falling of his chest, his heart rate that Remus could barely feel with his hand draped across Sirius's chest, and the faint scent of his shampoo that he could practically taste every time he breathed in, and every time he breathed out he could see his breath making Sirius's hair move. With those thoughts, he finally closed his eyes, and this time instead of seeing blood and death, he saw Sirius and his godforsaken grey eyes.

//

The next morning he woke before Sirius did. They were in a similar position to the one they were in the night before, except Sirius had both of his arms now wrapped around Remus, one of his hands loosely left tangled in Sirius's hair. All worry Remus had felt last night was now gone, all fear temporarily wiped away. He did his best to untangle himself from Sirius as he climbed out of bed without waking him up, but once Remus was sitting on the side of the bed he turned to look at Sirius, whose eyes were slightly parted, still filled with sleep.

"Go back to sleep," Remus whispered, glancing at the clock that Sirius's back was turned towards. "It's nearly nine, you usually don't get up till at least ten." Sirius looked thankful at the gesture and rolled over, tucking the sheets beneath his chin, exposing the daisy tattoo he had on his back. It was slightly wilted, since Sirius said he would be kind of wilted too, and petals fell all the way to his mid-back. It was a wonderful tattoo, Remus loved it. Would Sirius really let him get the same one?

He gathered some clothes from his dresser, jeans, boxers, and a warm black and orange jumper. Yes, very festive, he thought to himself. He wandered into the bathroom and set the clothes on the counter by the sink, and brushed his teeth. He couldn't stand morning breath. After that, he turned on the shower and stripped out of all his clothes, stepping into the warm shower. He breathed a sigh of relief, showers always made him feel at least a little less tense, they always relaxed him.

He didn't stay in the shower very long, just long enough to clean himself and temporarily wipe away any depressing thoughts. He grabbed his towel and dried off before tossing his clothes on. He felt significantly better than he had the previous day, which made a lot of sense to Remus, but he still felt completely different than he had even just three days ago. He felt sadder, he felt a little darker, and every time his thoughts wandered to what he did, he felt sick. Every time he thought about it his fingertips buzzed with remembrance.

Oh  _god_ , Remus thought to himself, how was he going to get through his remaining days (or day, he didn't know) if he could only think of two things? He placed his palms on either side of the sink, the cool marble sending shivers up his arms. He looked worse than he usually did, too. The space beneath his eyes was dark and more prominent than before, he looked paler, and his eyes looked less alive and less joyful. It had been two  _days_ and Remus was already noticing the negative effects everything was having on his body.

Before he could lose himself further, there was a soft knock at the door. Remus jumped and knocked the soap into the sink in the process, breathing heavily and trying to calm his heart. Was he always this jumpy? He didn't think he was, no, this was a new development. Remus, after his heart nearly jumped out of his chest, opened the door where Sirius stood, arms wrapped around his bare chest as if he were trying to stay warm. Even in this state with his hair messy, a little bit of drool stuck to his cheek, and puffy eyes Sirius looked positively beautiful.

"Remus?" Sirius said. Remus raised his eyebrows as if to question him, so he continued. "You've been in here for at least an hour, you doing alright?" No, Remus thought to himself. He was not doing alright, but Sirius didn't need to know that answer, so he merely nodded. Sirius smiled at that and cast his eyes passed Remus onto the damp towel still on the floor. "You can always talk to me, you know. I know you're not as close to me as you are to James and Lily, but... I still want to be here for you." Remus smiled.

"I assume you also need in here, don't you?" Sirius nodded and Remus rolled his eyes, a small smile still toying on his lips. He stepped out of the bathroom and waved an arm towards the open door. Sirius nodded his thanks and stepped inside, closing the door behind him with a click. Remus rubbed his cheek and glanced at the shut door behind him before he left the room, entering the living room where James and Lily where cuddled up on the armchair and Peter was still asleep on the couch, his mouth slightly open and snoring.

James lifted a finger to his lips, signaling for Remus to be quiet. Upon further inspection, he noticed Lily was asleep in his lap, an empty mug loosely secured in her hands while she slept. James gently slipped out of the chair where he was seated beside her and took the mug, and instead of waking she just curled into the chair. James then herded Remus into the garden so they could talk without having to whisper as if James could sense Remus had wanted to talk to him. James refilled the mug with coffee before he stepped outside, Remus close behind him.

"Sirius wasn't in his room this morning," James began, sipping his coffee and taking a seat on one of the lawn chairs they had set outside. Remus sat across from him. "So I checked your room to see if you knew where he went, and he was in your bed." Remus didn't know why James felt the need to tell him this and talk about this, he didn't know if James was just curious or otherwise. 

"He didn't want to be alone last night and he didn't want to disturb you and Lily, so instead he came to me," Remus explained. "You would've done the same thing for him, or me, or even Peter if he needed it." James shrugged at the comment, knowing it was true. Remus glanced at James' watch to check the time, it was ten-thirty.

"But after the comment that was made yesterday about you loving him I couldn't help but wonder... do you?" This time Remus shrugged. Sure he did, he could admit that to himself, but that was about it. Maybe Lily if she prodded enough, but this was not Lily, this was James. "I don't want to seem rude, Remus, but if you, please do, please don't do anything, or say anything. He... he gets attached easy, you know that, and he doesn't know what you did. So it just isn't fair on his behalf. If the roles were reversed, I'd be giving him this same conversation."

"I know, James, believe me. I didn't say anything before either because I didn't want to get hurt, but now I can't bear to hurt him." Remus knew that sounded a bit selfish, to be fair it had sounded better in his head. James gave him a look, before smiling.

"I know, I really don't want to see either of you two get hurt, by each other or otherwise. Remus, I know you don't..." James paused and looked out into the garden, which wasn't large and it wasn't blooming this time of year, so it looked pretty bare. "I know you don't feel as close to me or Lily as Sirius does. Yes, I've known him longer, but Remus, I would do all the same things for you that I do for him. Just because we haven't known each other that long doesn't change a thing." 

"Thank you, James," Remus murmured in reply. James leaned back in his chair, holding the mug of coffee close to his chest with both hands.

"Anytime, Moony." Remus smiled at him and turned to look back out over the garden. It was a nice day out for October, not too cold, but it also wasn't too warm, it was the perfect in-between. He tilted his face up, relishing in the cool warmth of the autumn sun, breathing deeply. "You look so, so content like that," James noted over the rim of his coffee mug.

"It's just... nice," Remus said with a shrug. James lifted his nose to the sky after hearing this too, mimicking Remus's content expression. In return, Remus picked up a small rock at threw it at James' arm, and it bounced off the hand holding the mug of coffee. James stuck his tongue out at Remus in a playful gesture, making Remus flip him off with a cheeky grin. "Autumn is a beautiful season, look at the leaves."

This time when James tilted his face to the sky it wasn't to mock Remus. Not that it was before, but it looked a lot less planned, less forced. The sun reflected off his cheekbones and his nose, he appeared to be glowing. And perhaps he was, he looked happy and content, and Remus was sure he was. James blinked and looked at the branches of the trees around him, adorned with yellow, orange, and red leaves. Remus plucked the cup from James' hands and took a sip, but James didn't mind.

"The red looks like Lily's hair," James mused. Remus sunk back into his chair, now holding the warm cup of coffee between his two cold hands. Remus wondered as he watched his friend that if it hadn't been for Lily and Sirius, could he have ended up feeling for James in a similar way he now felt for Sirius? Probably, but Remus didn't know, he almost wished that it were the case because then he wouldn't be stuck in this situation. "You look feel in thought."

"Thinking of you," Remus teased with a wink. James had let out a bark of laughter before blowing him a kiss. The knot in his stomach loosened. Despite everything, James was there for him. He was there, and Remus knew James wouldn't abandon him in his last few days of life no matter what he ended up doing. James was fiercely loyal, and Remus feared that would be the downfall of his best friend, no matter how far into the future it was.

"Remus?" He lifted his head and his eyes landed on Sirius. His dark hair was pulled back into a messy bun, showing off the fairly new ear piercings. Remus smiled up at him, trying not to stare too noticeably at the clear gloss Sirius had put on those perfect lips. "We should go now, I wanna get lunch with you beforehand." Remus grinned and passed the mug of coffee back to James, who rolled his eyes and shooed them away, a smile of his own toying on his lips.

"Lunch?" Remus questioned once he stood up. "By lunch do you mean ice cream? God knows you never eat lunch at a reasonable time." Sirius just winked and held a finger to his lips, telling Remus to be quiet. Remus made the motion of zipping his mouth shut and followed Sirius back into the house, and then outside where he grinned. 

"So, lunch first, yeah?" Sirius mused.

"You mean ice cream, so yes, lead the way."


	5. Chapter 5

**October 18th**

  
Remus knew getting ice cream with Sirius was never a good idea. Every time he'd gone out for ice cream with him he'd ended up covered in the sweet dessert, and he'd heard similar reports from both Lily and James. One time, according to Lily, James had taunted Sirius, threatening to smear ice cream across his face and in retaliation Sirius had ended up smashing the rest of his ice cream cone on top of James' hair, making it sticky, which had not gone down well with him. And, in turn, he really did smear ice cream across Sirius's cheek. Lily couldn't help laughing as she had told Remus the story, which made Remus laugh too. But it was after that he decided never to get ice cream with Sirius again.

Oh, how times change.

Sirius and Remus walked close together, their shoulders bumping with every step and their fingers briefly brushing. Remus wanted to do nothing more than stretch his hand out an inch more and entangle his fingers with Sirius's, giving his hand a slight squeeze. Remus's chest ached and he took a small step to the side so they were no longer touching, and so it was easier for Remus to resist that small urge to hold his hand. Sirius and James held hands, so what was so different about this. _Because I'_ _m not James,_ Remus had reminded himself. And Sirius only held hands with James.

When he stepped away he could've swore Sirius's hand reached out for his, but quickly pulled back when he realized it was no longer there. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. Remus instinctively tucked his hands in his pockets and shot Sirius a glance, but he only met his eyes and gave a teasing smile, which made Remus less nervous. "Hey, don't worry about it. I'm not gonna drop dead, Rem, don't worry."

"I know I..." Remus frowned, unsure if he was relieved or upset at the fact Sirius didn't realize what he was really worried about. He wasn't worried about Sirius dropping dead, he was worried about himself dropping dead. "I just still can't believe you're going to be okay, I'm so... relieved." Sirius grinned over at him.

"We all are, Remus- or I hope you all are. Though I am more surprised, pleasantly surprised, than anything. You know, I spent my whole life preparing to die young but... I guess it turns out that the universe had other plans for me." The universe really did have other plans, for both of them. Or perhaps the universe just had a really sick sense of humor, and Remus still couldn't figure out which. Maybe it was both, maybe it was two for the price of one. Remus fought the urge to slam his head against the brick building at the thought, maybe _that_ was how he died.

"Of course we're all relieved!" Remus exclaimed as if it were simply mind blowing that Sirius could think they weren't. "James, Lily, Peter, your _brother_ , we're all glad you're not dead. Baffled, confused, maybe even fearful, but we're still relieved, we're _glad_ , nonetheless. God, why would we not be? Why in the world would we not be relieved? We all love you Sirius, we never wanted you to die." Remus shrunk back after his small outburst and looked over at Sirius, who wore the most sincere smile Remus had ever seen him wear. Remus felt butterflies errupt in his stomach and he felt young again, like he did in high school, trailing after a helpless love.

"Thank you. Well hey, at least I'll still die before you. Wouldn't want to live in a world without your shit jokes." Remus's forced laugh was painful, it sounded fake but he didn't think Sirius caught on, due to the fact he didn't say anything more. Instead, Remus plastered on another fake smile and slung an arm around Sirius's shoulder, doing his best to ease the tension that was obviously there.

"What do you give an armless child for Christmas?" Remus asked, looking over at Sirius who was shaking his head, already holding back laughter. Sirius looked back at him and raised his eyebrows. "Nothing! They can't open it anyway." Sirius did laugh this time, and he playfully shoved Remus away from him before jabbing his side with his finger.

"That was awful!" He laughed. Remus felt real, proper smile come over him this time, and he winked at the older boy. "That's... my god, Remus."

"You're just jealous of my infinite amount of jokes, there's no need to lie." Sirius scoffed but said nothing, and instead fell back into step beside Remus as they were before, shoulders bumping and fingers brushing, and this time Remus couldn't bring himself to care, any contact was enough for Remus, even if it didn't mean anything to Sirius, it still grounded Remus.

"All right," Sirius said, stopping in front of the small ice cream shop and turning to Remus. "One more joke before we go inside."

"One about ice cream? Or do you care what it's about?" Remus wondered. Sirius tapped his chin ad if in deep thought. Oh god, must he take forever for this? They were right in front of the door, what of someone wanted in or needed out? Apparently Sirius didn't think of things like that, instead leaving Remus to worry for him. Remus decided it didn't matter and didn't give Sirius the time to answer. "Why did the ice cream truck break down?"

"Why?"

"Because of the rocky road." Sirius groaned loudly and opened the door, allowing Remus to step inside before him. Remus mockingly bowed and entered the shop with Sirius trailing behind him. The shop was fairly empty, as it was October and it was a pretty chilly day. It wasn't too cold, but not warm either. They had two fall based flavors for the season, maple and pumpkin spice. That wasn't a surprise, truly, but both sounded good.

"I'm paying," Sirius announced, joining Remus at the counter as he scanned the array of ice cream flavors. Remus opened his mouth to protest, but Sirius turned to him to cut him off. "Don't argue, I want to do something nice for you." Remus looked away from him and gazed intently at the ice cream. Oh my god, Remus realized, this could be classified as a date. Two guys getting ice cream, then getting a matching tattoo? That... is not just a friend thing. At least it definitely didn't seem like it to Remus, but maybe he was thinking too much about the simple gesture.

"Hey Remus, go find us a seat, what kind of ice cream do you want?" Sirius offered. Remus pointed at the two fall flavors taped onto the glass covering the ice cream, and Sirius nodded before shooing him away. Remus chose a window seat in the back corner and rested his chin on his hands. He wondered how many people had today's date printed on their wrist, how many people were living their last day in fear, or in a state of confusion or disbelief, and he wondered how many people were partying their last day away. Remus didn't have that pleasure, of wasting away his last day because he didn't know when it would be, no one did. At least, not anymore.

And it terrified him. Even people whose dates were permanently covered... _someone_ knew that date, it was documented in the hospital records, printed on their birth certificate. He and Sirius were the only two to defy such a thing, and he wondered how everything would pan out in the end. When people finally announced him dead and doctors didn't believe it because _no_ , no one died before their death date, and no one died after. That was the kind of world they lived in. When people lose track of Sirius Black because he was supposed to be dead already... what kind of problems would this cause? Remus just hoped he wasn't alive to witness them.

"Here." Remus looked up where Sirius stood, holding out a cone of ice cream with two scoops on it, one of either seasonal kind. Remus grabbed it and said his thanks as Sirius seated himself in front of Remus, who almost felt too sick to eat, even if it was just a bit of ice cream. Sirius, however, wasted no time in digging into his own ice cream. Remus slowly began to eat his own, struggling to keep his eyes off Sirius while they ate. But, of course, that didn't work out too well and he kept stealing glances when Sirius was lost in his own world, gazing out the window at all the people walking by.

Remus watched him with an amused expression while he ate, he got lost too. Remus had almost forgotten what he was doing he wasn't supposed to be doing, so when Sirius turned to him and met his eyes it snapped Remus out of his trance, causing him to look away. "Do you ever look at people and just think... wow, they have a life too, you know? Obviously, they do, but it can be just as problematic as yours, or more. They have a pet at home or a child, and we don't know by just looking, but... we're, or at least I am, too invested in my own life to pay attention to another's life. I don't know, it's a stupid thought." Remus just smiled bemusedly and shook his head.

"It's not a stupid thought, Sirius, I enjoy knowing what's going on up in that head of yours. But to answer your question: yes, I do that too. I enjoy people watching and making up stories about that person, what may be going on in their life. Like her," Remus pointed to a young girl, around ten, who was skipping happily with a small dog attached to a leash. "She just got news that her mother is pregnant again, a baby girl. It's her second child and she's excited to be an older sister."

"What about her dad?" Sirius wondered, resting his elbow on the table and propping his chin up with his hand. Remus furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion.

"What?"

"What does her dad think about it?"

"Oh! Oh, okay. Um, well he's not as excited about it as his wife or his first daughter because he wanted a son, but he's still excited to have another daughter to spoil. See her earrings? I mean, just look at her hat. You can bet her father spoils her, he teases her too, of course, but he absolutely adores her." Sirius lifted his head off his hand and looked at Remus. 

"You're absolutely fascinating," Sirius declared, finishing off the last little bit of his ice cream cone, while Remus had barely touched his own. Remus stuck out his hand, offering the unfinished ice cream to Sirius who took it happily.

"I'm fascinating?"

"Yes! Absolutely fascinating! Who makes up stories about complete strangers? People watching is one thing but that... that's just a fun activity. You said you enjoy knowing what goes on in my head, but Remus, yours is a million times more interesting. I feel like if I could only read your mind I'd know all the secrets to the universe." Remus couldn't help the breath of laughter. If he could read his mind he would certainly not be sitting here with Remus right now, he'd be begging Remus to somehow undo what he'd done, and blaming himself when he realized he couldn't. It would not be good.

"All the secrets to the universe? What do you think I am, a god?" Sirius leaned back into the booth, eyebrows raised and a smudge of ice cream on his upper lip, and a small dot on his nose. 

"You could be a god, Remus, and I for one would not at all be surprised." Remus turned red at the comment, unsure whether or not he should take it as a compliment. "All knowing, nothing seems to phase you. Like when I told you my death date had changed, you seemed to expect it. You seemed to expect it the night before. You're always calm too, and you always know what to say. I dunno, you're an anomaly Remus Lupin, and I still have yet to figure you out." This time Remus shrunk into his seat, feeling a lump in his throat. Did he suspect something? Oh god, he couldn't have Sirius suspect something.

"Like the universe would kill off someone as amazing as Sirius Black, I wouldn't let it. I spoke to the moon and she promised not to if I killed a man," Remus joked half-heartedly. For a second Remus feared Sirius wouldn't take it as a joke, but after a minute he burst into a fit of laughter, relieving Remus. Sirius laughed so hard Remus wondered if he did know and he was playing stupid to throw him off. 

"You're too harmless, I couldn't ever see you killing someone, especially not for me," Sirius replied finally, leveling out his breathing. Remus held back a laugh of his own, if only Sirius knew. It still made Remus sick to think about, he didn't think he'd ever be able to kill a man either. Well, maybe that wasn't true, he always knew if he absolutely had to he could, but not something like this. Never something like this. But that's not always how it works out, and he knew that now.

"We should get going, Rem, we're gonna be late." Remus glanced back out the window one last time, just in time to see the girl and her dog disappear around the corner. He slid out of the booth and followed Sirius out the door. Sirius seemed excited while they walked, he seemed happy and bubbly and Remus couldn't stop smiling because _damn_ , could he be any more perfect? Remus didn't think so.

"So, what tattoo are you making me get again?" Remus asked in an attempt to fill the silence between them. Sirius let out an over exasperated sigh and turned to look at Remus, who couldn't help but laugh at his face. He was pretty sure Sirius knew that he remembered.

"The same one I have on my back, of course." Remus nodded as though pondering the idea. "I figure since we both like daises it's pretty suiting, don't you?" No, he didn't. But he didn't let Sirius know the fact, so instead he nodded his silent agreement. "Where do you want to get it?"

"The same place?" That's what Remus had assumed, but he wasn't sure if that was the best place to get it. Getting a tattoo on your back hurts more than other places (at least, according to Sirius). And that was where Sirius had his, maybe that would be too close, too similar. But Sirius beamed.

"Sure!" This time Remus opened the door for Sirius, who bowed mockingly. Remus gave him a smaller shove to get him inside, both of them grinning like small children. Remus was here just the previous day to get his death date tattooed over, it was still fresh and had some healing to do, why he decided to get another one so soon after was beyond him. Well, no it really wasn't, because Sirius had asked, and to him that was persuading enough.

He stayed near the books of various tattoo designs while Sirius talked to the person organizing everything, as he didn't want to deal with more people than he had to. Remus slowly flipped through the pages, admiring each design, each one seemingly more intricate than the last. There were a lot of flowers, Remus noticed, so many flowers. They were mainly roses, though, as that seemed to be most people's favorite flower. Remus wasn't sure why, sure they were pretty, but they were also pretty plain.

"Rem?" Remus turned around, where Sirius stood next to Alice, the same person who had tattooed him yesterday. He followed the two of them into a small booth, where Alice motioned for him to sit down. Remus's heart was pounding, was he really going to go through with this? A part of him thought it wouldn't actually happen until that moment. Was Sirius really going to let him get a matching tattoo?

"So, what are you getting?" Alice wondered. Sirius tugged off his shirt and turned his back to face Alice, so his chest was facing Remus. He caught his breath in his throat and turned his head, admiring the various colors of ink instead of the far too perfect Sirius Black. "You want the exact same thing?" They both nodded. "Alright, I'll just trace over this, then." 

It didn't take long until Alice had the temporary outline of the tattoo on Remus's skin. He was laying on his stomach, slightly sitting up, while Sirius stood nearby with a grin on his lips. "I can't believe I let you talk me into this. Sirius, you have to do something for me after this." Sirius laughed at that, patting Remus's upper arm. "I'm not kidding!"

"Alright, then what do you want?" Sirius mused, leaning back in his chair. Remus frowned. What did he want? He didn't know, so he shrugged.

"Alright, you have to hold still now," Alice murmured, gently tugging on Remus's skin. "You did fine yesterday, today won't be any different." Sirius chuckled and placed his hand on top of Remus's, just for a couple seconds, as a show of comfort. Then Alice began tattooing, she'd started near his shoulder blade and would work her way down. It wasn't as painful had Remus had expected it to be, but it still wasn't very pleasant. 

"Let me design you a tattoo," Remus requested. It was a selfish request, considering the circumstances, and based on the way he felt Alice's hand tense on his back, she thought so too. He wanted something on Sirius that would mean he'd remember him forever. It wasn't the best of suggestions, and he felt a bit guilty after asking, but he didn't say anything. He watched Sirius has he considered this idea.

"Anything?" Sirius wondered. Remus gave a slight nod, and Sirius leaned forward again, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Anything," Remus confirmed. Sirius smirked, and nodded once, just as Remus had done. "I won't make it anything stupid, if that's what you're worried about."

"Oh no, I trust you not to. I think that's a good idea, considering you're getting one that I designed. It's a deal, it's only fair." Fair, Remus nearly flinched at the word. There it was once again, the hated word. Nothing about any of this was fair, if Remus had it his way they would both be living long lives, Remus would be holding Sirius's hand at this very moment and once he was done, Sirius would kiss him soundly and tell him it looked wonderful. But that's not what was going to happen.

"So Alice," Sirius said, breaking the silence. "You tattooed over Remus's date yesterday?" Based on the lack of response from Alice, Remus assumed she had nodded. "Ninety-seven, that's old." Oh god, what if Alice gave away his secret? Remus fidgeted uncomfortable, and Alice pushed his shoulder back into the chair. 

"That's actually the longest lifespan I've seen someone have," Alice replied. Remus breathed a sigh of relief. Alice wiped some of skin off and returned to tattooing him.

"Really? I saw someone who was supposed to live to a hundred and three once, that was pretty cool. I was supposed to die yesterday, but my death date changed," Sirius told her. Remus fidgeted again, and again Alice pushed his shoulder back into the chair.

"Why? I've never heard of that before," Alice replied. Remus mentally thanked her, but said nothing because Sirius wasn't that dull, he picked up on things pretty quickly. Remus was glad  he'd managed to keep this as hidden as he had.

"I don't know! I just woke up and it was different. And neither have I, I mean everyone's heard the blood sacrifice myth, or urban legend, whatever it is. But no one I know would do that and it's never worked before, so what would make this any different." Remus shifted again, and Alice put a hand on the middle of his back, firmly holding him in place.

"The blood sacrifice myth?" Alice said. "I didn't know people still tried that."

"Why wouldn't they? It's the only hint on how to change death dates, it's fascinating," Sirius said. Remus resisted the urge to bang his head against the chair. "But it never works." Remus tried to shift, but Alice's hand pushed him harder into the chair.

"Well, then it's a mystery."

//

It was a mystery, truly. Listening to Sirius and Alice talk it was a mystery as to why Sirius didn't manage to figure it out. After listening to their conversation, it was a mystery as to why his sacrifice had worked but no others had. And now, as he walked back home with his fresh tattoo covered in a plastic bandage, it was a mystery as to why his spine ached even though the tattoo hadn't even gone over it. Maybe it was just the angle he was seated at, determined to be able to view Sirius, who looked like he was glowing. Before they left Alice had given him a small container filled with a salve, instructing Remus to put it on his back twice a day for a week, and all other important things.

"So what do you think?" Sirius asked him. Remus laughed, he hadn't really seen it outside of the blurry picture Alice had taken. When he'd tried to look in the mirror Sirius had been blocking most of his line of sight, so he couldn't really see it there, either. The blurry picture gave enough detail to make out that it looked pretty much identical to Sirius's tattoo, which was the goal, so Remus considered it a success.

"From what I've been able to see, I like it." Sirius nudged his shoulder with his own.

"Good. So... I want to make plans with my brother to have lunch sometime this week. If I do, I... I can't go alone. I haven't seen him since our parents decided he should no longer have any contact with me," Sirius told him, rubbing his hands together nervously. "I guess... can you go with me if I do? I would ask James, but they never got along." Remus found himself nodding before he could properly comprehend the question. 

"Sure," Remus agreed. He'd wanted to meet Regulus for quite a while now, Sirius never talked about him often and he'd always wondered how similar they truly were. Sirius was beaming with that answer, and he tossed his arms around Remus, pulling him into an uncomfortable hug. Remus shifted and did his best to wrap his arms back around Sirius, which was slightly difficult considering the position.

"Thank you! I didn't expect you to agree," Sirius admitted. Remus was the first to pull away, offering an awkward smile.

"Then why ask?" 

"I guess there was still the possibility you'd say yes, I couldn't pass that up," Sirius explained with a shrug. Remus rolled his eyes, made sense. Had Sirius not been Sirius, he never would've agreed. He could never say no to Sirius, despite the circumstance, and because of this lying to him was ten times more difficult. Remus wanted nothing more than to tell Sirius the truth, but he knew he couldn't because then the guilt would be passed down to Sirius, and Remus couldn't have that.

"As if I could say no to the marvelous Sirius Black," Remus announced, bowing dramatically. making Sirius snort.

"Oh, fuck off," Sirius joked, shoving him. Remus laughed and grinned over at Sirius, who wore a smile just as wide. "You think James and Lily will approve of the tattoo?" Of course, they wouldn't, but Remus couldn't exactly say that.

"Probably. I mean, I don't see why they wouldn't," Remus replied. Sirius opened the house door and walked inside, announcing his arrival. James peaked his head into the living room from the kitchen, which smelled wonderful. Remus kicked off his shoes and shed his jacket, hanging it on a hook next to the door while Sirius made a bee-line for the kitchen. Remus chuckled to himself and plopped down on the couch, sighing contently.

 "So you got a tattoo today, huh?" Lily mused. She walked into the living room and planted herself in Remus's lap. Remus shifted and rested his chin on her shoulder, nodding. "Can I see it?"

"Well in order for me to show you, you'd have to get off my lap." Lily frowned and leaned back into his chest.

"Then you can show me later," She decided. 

"What did you and James get up to today? Any wild sex?" Remus teased. Lily hit his arm playfully, a blush sliding onto her cheeks.

"Just a bit, it was mostly spent watching cheesy Halloween movies," Lily told him. Remus hummed and nodded once again.

"Sounds nice."

"It was, very nice. Did your day go well?"

"It was wonderful."


	6. Chapter 6

**October**   **18th**

It was after dinner that James and Lily became impatient, pestering Remus into showing them his new tattoo. He was hesitant, and he could tell each time he turned them down Sirius slowly got more confused as to why he didn't just show them the tattoo. Remus knew he couldn't deny them forever, so why he kept turning them down, he wasn't sure. It really shouldn't have been a big deal to him, maybe it was this lingering feeling he felt deep down for Sirius, a sense of guilt that kept him from showing it to them. It was only after Sirius announced what Remus had gotten that he'd ended up showing them, a blush rising onto his cheeks when James met his eye and gave him a knowing look. Lily wasn't much better, as she resisted the urge to laugh, Remus could see the amusement flickering in her eyes. The amusement was almost worse than the disappointment.

"So you'll show them now?" Sirius asked, turning to face him. Remus met his eyes and they looked just as accusing as James' had, and he didn't quite like the feeling. He felt like a small child, doing something silly and still getting in trouble for doing it. Like when he was five and he'd picked flowers out of someone's garden to give to his mother. The person had caught him, and although he hadn't gotten into much trouble, he'd still gotten a lecture and he'd felt stupid for doing it, and now, he felt the same.

Remus sighed and tugged his shirt up, swallowing his guilt as he pulled his shirt over his head and held it close to his chest while they examined his back. He felt the three different pairs of eyes gazing at his skin, which only made him feel even more guilty. Yes, he probably shouldn't have agreed to get the tattoo because  _yes_ , it was deeply personal to Sirius, but he wouldn't be here much longer as it was. As they looked, he felt too exposed because he felt like this was something only he and Sirius should share, in an odd sense. He felt cold fingertips gently brush the skin to the left of the tattoo, just barely, before pulling away just as quickly as they had arrived. He put his shirt back on after another moment and turned to face them with an annoyed glare.

"Happy now?" He sounded a little too upset, and Sirius narrowed his eyes, clearly sensing that something was off. James and Lily both wore a similar expression, and so he softened. "I'm sorry, I'm just tired, it was a long day and I just want to go get some sleep." Sirius's eyes flickered over to the clock, which read that it was just past eight thirty. Too early for him to sleep, for any of them really. Except for maybe James because he usually woke up at an ungodly hour. But he still nodded once, and James and Lily took a step back to make room for him to get into the guest room. 

He flopped onto the bed with a loud huff, lifting his hand to touch the edge of the tattoo on his mid-back. He felt like instead of getting a new tattoo, he'd gotten a small piece of Sirius imprinted into his flesh, and not just black ink. He felt oddly stupid about having such a mindset, really, but it still made sense to him in some weird way. He took off his shirt once again and then his pants, grabbing a spare towel from one of the drawers in this room, and he slipped into the bathroom. He needed a shower, and there was no way he'd be able to sleep anytime soon, despite what he'd told them, and a shower was a great way to pass the time.

He turned on the warm water and stripped the rest of his clothes from his body. The second the warm water touched his chilled skin when he stepped into the shower goosebumps spread across his arms, legs, and back, warming him to the bone. He let out a small sigh of relief and relaxed, tilting slightly so the water was more focussed on the side of his back without the tattoo, seeing as how he had just gotten it today. He tilted his head back and let the water run over his hair, which brought a whole new set of goosebumps with the warmth. He hummed in content and let the water run over him for another few minutes before he actually started to clean himself.

It took a whole thirty minutes before Remus finally turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. The bathroom was thankfully warm, and the mirror was steamy due to the humidity in the small bathroom, and he felt ever so compelled to draw a small smiley face. He couldn't help but smile as he drew it, but he didn't do much else. He was exhausted, but he was more mentally exhausted than anything. He rested his still damp forehead against the mirror and pulled the towel closer to his body.

He could feel the cool air seeping in under the door, cooling his feet. He frowned at the heat difference, must it be so cold? He realized the answer was  _yes_ because it was October, not June. It was a shame, really, he always got cold easily, which is why he preferred the warmer months of the year. He curled his toes in an attempt to keep them somewhat warm, but it didn't do any good. He sighed and shifted again, so he was sitting up on the marble counter next to the sink, which felt just as cold as the outside air against his bare skin.

He sat there by the sink for some time, relishing in the silence of the small bathroom. He probably could've sat there for another hour, but a small knock sounded on the door, startling Remus out of his thoughts of that silence. He pushed himself off the countertop, landing on the cold tile floor and placed a hand on the door handle before he realized he had no clothes on, and quickly withdrew the hand. "Yeah?" He called. He heard a rustling of clothes on the other side of the door and a sharp intake of breath.

"Er, it's me. I... well if you want I tossed some clothes in the dryer to warm them up for you if... if you want them," Sirius offered. Remus opened the door just a bit, just enough for Sirius to stick his hand into the bathroom and hand him the clothes. Remus grabbed them with a word of quiet thanks and held them close to his body, seeing as how he was finally dry. They were so,  _so_ warm. "Are you doing okay? You've been in there for nearly an hour and a half." Remus looked up at the wall in surprise.

"I've been in there that long?" He asked. It hadn't felt nearly that long, maybe an hour at most.

"Yes. Are you okay, Rem?" Remus finally shed his towel, letting it fall to the bathroom floor, and put on the dryer-warm clothes, which consisted of red boxers, an old, worn band shirt (The Clash) that had belonged to Sirius since he had graduated, a pair of fuzzy black pajama pants, and a pair of Sirius's fuzzy mismatched socks, one black with pink polka dots and one grey with blue stars. Once he was fully clothed, he opened the bathroom door where Sirius stood, a pillow tucked beneath his arm and a lopsided clearly forced smile.

"Yeah, I'm alright, don't worry. The bathroom was just really warm and I didn't yet want to deal with the cold," Remus told him. Sirius's smile seemed less forced after that confirmation. Sirius turned to make his way over to the bed (which everyone called Remus's bed) and set down the pillow, looking back at Remus with his head slightly tilted. 

"Did you know you hog pillows when you sleep?" Sirius wondered. Remus glanced at the pillow Sirius had set down on the,  _his_ , bed. Did he plan on staying in here again? Why not with James and Lily? They were far more open to let Sirius sleep in the same bed as them. Remus had no problem letting Sirius stay in here. Well, not really, he would rather he didn't but he wasn't about to turn him down. Plus he was warm, and it was nice not to sleep alone. "I really hope you don't mind that I wanna stay in here again. James and Lily... I figured I'd just give them a night to themselves, I haven't wanted to sleep alone for a while, especially right before I was supposed to die." Sirius looked so hopeful, and Remus didn't mind, not at all, he just didn't want to hurt Sirius after his inevitable death.

"Yeah, of course, I don't mind," Remus told him. Sirius frowned slightly. "Really, Sirius. I mean it." And then Sirius was smiling again and Remus forgot he wasn't supposed to do things like this because now Remus was going to die, but for a brief moment he didn't care. He really didn't care because Sirius was happy, and if he was the cause of that then fuck it, it was worth it,  _so_  worth it. Sirius hopped up on the bed and tucked his feet beneath him, looking around the room.

"Well good. I think I prefer it in here with you, anyway. You don't kick in your sleep, I don't know how Lily sleeps with James every night without getting sick of sleeping with him. I always wake up with bruises!" Remus only chuckled. He'd only slept in the same bed as James once, and he did kick, yes, but not bad enough to leave a bruise, just enough to wake him. "You know, you should really just move in, no one sleeps in here except for you and you stay here more than at your house anyway."

"Would James and Lily be okay with that?" Sirius was nodding before Remus even finished the sentence as if he knew what Remus was going to say. He looked so eager, so excited for Remus to even consider the possibility, he'd have a hard time saying no. But why should he say no? He'd be dead soon enough, or at least he assumed, so maybe...

"Of course they'd be okay with it! You spend more time with them, they love you, Moony." Remus nearly snorted, that nickname had taken on a whole new meaning inside Remus's head.  _Moony_ , the only person to switch death dates.  _Moony_ , the only person the moon listened to. Ironic, he mused to himself, he always said he had some connection to the moon and he'd used it to end his life sooner than planned.

"I'll think about it," Remus said, climbing onto the bed next to Sirius. "Can you put some of that salve Alice gave me on my back?" 

"Oh!" Sirius exclaimed. "Sure!" Remus fished it out of his bedside drawer and handed it to Sirius, who unscrewed the cap while Remus tugged his shirt up to expose his back.

"Hey, can I ask you a sort of depressing question?" Remus wondered, wincing slightly as Sirius's cool hands made contact with the sensitive skin on his back.

"Of course you can, Remus, no need to ask. Questions are always welcome, depressing or otherwise." Remus messed with the strings on the fuzzy pajama pants Sirius had gotten for him, twirling them around his finger. It was a stupid question, really, but Remus was putting some thought into it himself. He waited until Sirius's hands pulled away and the small pot of salve was placed back on the bedside table before he turned and asked the question.

"Did you write out a will before you were supposed to die?" Remus inquired. Sirius immediately started nodding.

"Oh yeah, I had to. If I had died my family would've taken absolutely everything I owned and burned it in a bonfire if I hadn't written one. I left most of my possessions to James and to Lily, but you would've gotten my records and Pete would've gotten my cookbooks. You listen to them even more than I do, and Peter has most of them at his place anyway." Remus couldn't argue with that, so he nodded again. "Why?"

"Just something I was thinking about earlier today." He was, he had been wondering if he should write one soon. "I overheard an older woman talking to what I assumed to be her son, and he mentioned a will."

"Well, I think it's important to write wills and get them legally set, it's less of a hassle for everyone around you when you do die if they know what to do with your things." This time Remus nodded. Well, then in the next couple days he'd have to contact a lawyer so that he could work all of that out so they didn't have to deal with that when he died.

"That's fair. You just don't usually hear about young people writing wills because they usually don't think about things like that, and I was wondering if you did." Sirius nodded once and glanced down at the comforter on the bed while Remus looked at the stack of records. "Onto another topic, would you prefer to listen to something soft or more upbeat?"

"Soft," Sirius requested, leaning forward with his palms flat on the bed in an attempt to get a glimpse at his records that had a home in the guest bedroom where Remus often stayed. He plucked Moondance out of the records that leaned against the old desk. He slid it out of the sleeve and placed it on the player. "Perfect." Remus smiled softly and returned to his spot on the bed, close enough to Sirius that their knees were nearly brushing.

"What's your favorite song on the album?" Remus asked. Sirius moved his legs and laid his head in Remus's lap, seemingly without a second thought. Remus immediately wanted to move, shove Sirius off and claim he couldn't do this because he was going to die god knows when, and he couldn't bear the thought of hurting him. But instead, he relished the small show of affection and stretched his legs out, making it more comfortable for Sirius to lay where he was.

"Hmm, probably Crazy Love or Into The Mystic, though I can't think of Crazy Love without thinking back to school when James jumped on a table during breakfast and sang this to Lily. Everyone was so embarrassed. Well, I say everyone, but only Lily and her friends really were, Peter and I thought it was hilarious." Remus snorted and propped a pillow up against the headboard behind him so he could rest his head. 

"Mine's-"

"Moondance, obviously. You're Moony, so if it's anything different I'm going to sue." He was right. He often was about these things, especially when it came to small things like this, even more so when it came to Remus. 

"I know it's a typical answer, but my mom used to sing it to me a lot as a kid. Actually, she sang a lot to me as a kid in general and this song always... those songs will always hold a special place in my heart," Remus explained. Sirius grinned up at him fondly, a look that made Remus's insides turn to complete mush.

"Maybe that's why you like the moon. She used to sing you this song,  _Moon_ dance," Sirius said.

"No, she... she never really liked the moon. Well, I guess maybe that doesn't matter. I don't know. I guess I can still associate it with her. I was young when she died, though, I wouldn't think I'd do that because I was so young."

"Your subconscious does things like that, not you. It probably held onto those memories and manifested it into an easy way for you to be reminded of your mother." Remus shrugged. He never thought of her when he saw the moon. He only thought of those nights he sat beneath the moon with teary eyes begging for the moon to return his mother or the nights he sat out with friends while they drank and a joint hung loosely from his lips. He only thought of her when he listened to the songs she used to sing to him, and occasionally when he saw dried red rose petals scattered on a dusty floor.

"Yeah, maybe," he finally agreed. Sirius made a small noise out contentment at his agreement and rolled over so he was facing the record player, his head cautiously resting on Remus's thigh. "Maybe," He repeated, shifting his back so it was comfortably resting upon some pillows.

"You're lucky, though," Sirius told him. "I don't have any fond memories of my mother." Remus lifted his eyebrows. That was one topic Sirius never did talk about: family. So Remus was surprised to hear that coming from Sirius, especially since it was the second mention of his family he'd made that night. "But I guess we both had pretty shit fathers, so there's that."

"You don't have  _any_ good memories of your mother?" Remus questioned, frowning when he realized just how rude and invasive that question had sounded. "Sorry, you don't have to tell me, I know you prefer not to talk about that kind of thing." Sirius rolled again so he was laying on his back, gazing up at Remus while he spoke.

"No," He said firmly. Remus was about to reply when he felt Sirius relax and shake his head. "When I was really little, like three or four, I remember her reading me old, really old fairytales. The ones about princesses and all that. But she read the really fucked up ones, not the Disney ones. Perhaps reading them to such a young child wasn't a good idea, but she always made faces and used voices that made me laugh. I don't know what happened, I..." Sirius frowned. "But once I turned five the warmth she occasionally showed me disappeared altogether. I think it was because Blacks were supposed to live long lives and I didn't have that. 

"And when I befriended James I think that made things worse because they were,  _are_ , incredibly racist and even at seven, I knew it was wrong to hate someone because of that, it was just  _skin_. And when they found out I was gay at sixteen... Well, that was the real kicker. They kicked me out, and thank god for James and his parents. They died just a few years after that. James and I sold the house and bought this, a place of our own. I wouldn't have done anything differently. Well, maybe I would've been a better brother." Remus placed his hand on top of Sirius's like a silent show of support.

"I don't talk about them much because it just hurts, you know?" No, Remus didn't know, so he shook his head.

"I don't, I grew up with a good family, a good support system around me. But you made your own family, you chose who you wanted to surround yourself with, and that's better than any blood, and we're not going anywhere. You'll have James and Lily and Peter," Remus said. Sirius breathed out a shaky breath and shrugged, but Remus could see the hurt. 

"What about you?" Sirius asked. Guilt swelled in his chest, but he forced a smile.

"Well, you'll have me until the day I die." Sirius returned the smile. "And for the record, from what I've heard, from you and James and everyone else, you  _were_ a good brother." Sirius flipped his hand so his palm was facing up, resting against Remus's, their fingertips pressed together.

"I wasn't." Sirius took a deep breath in and pulled his hand away, running it through his long, dark hair. "I should've fought for him harder, showed him that what my parents preached was wrong. I thought I knew, I really did, but when he picked them over me, I just... I knew I hadn't been the brother he had deserved."

"He was just young, Sirius, and probably scared. He was what, fourteen?" Sirius nodded in response to his question. "He knew that if he chose you he wouldn't have had a home, he wouldn't be able to live there with them anymore."

"But the Potters would've-"

"He didn't know that. When was the last time you spoke to him?" Sirius thought about it for a minute, and with each passing moment, his expression slowly fell. "Can you get up for a minute so I can flip the record?" Sirius lifted his head and let Remus slip off of the bed so he could flip the record as he had requested, once again filling the room with soft music.

"I... I haven't talked to him since I met you, actually," Sirius admitted. Remus climbed back onto the bed and returned to his previous position, Sirius once again placing his head in Remus's lap. "This is the first time I've gone years without speaking to him."

"Well, then maybe you should fix that," he suggested. Sirius looked up at him and gave him a small, half smile. Had his eyes always been that mesmerizing?

"Yeah, maybe I should," Sirius agreed. He rolled back onto his side, this time facing the bookshelf on the other side of the room. "Thank you for listening to me complain."

"No thanks due, I enjoy listening to you talk, even when you are complaining, but that wasn't complaining." Sirius snorted and sat up, sifting through the records in order to change it. "Thank you, though, for telling me all that. And thank you for letting me do my best to help you." Sirius lifted up Hozier's self-titled album that Lily had gotten him a couple years back, and slid the second record from its sleeve, replacing Moondance.

"Well, still, I want to thank you for listening." Remus grinned and slid a little further down, so he was no longer sitting  but he was still slightly propped up.

"Of course, anytime you need to talk, Sirius, I'm here," Remus replied. "Now, can you hand me that book?" Remus asked, pointing to a bookshelf filled with old books of both his and Lily's. 

"Um yeah, but which book do you want?" Sirius wondered, running his index finger along the backs of the books on the top row. Remus admired the sight for a moment, Sirius in front of all those books. His two favorite things all in one, he felt warm and safe, like he was untouchable from the universe. Most of the books were a bit older, like one containing all of Grimm's original fairytales, which Remus imagined were the ones Sirius's mother had read to him all those years ago.

"Oh! Right, the second shelf from the top, farthest to the right." Sirius continued to trail his finger along the top of the books and down to the second shelf, pulling out the requested book. "Also, can you get the light for me?"

"The Odyssey?" Sirius mused, glancing back to Remus who rolled his eyes. Sirius went to the door to turn the light off once Remus had turned on the lamp next to his bed, and Sirius climbed back into the bed, this time beneath the comforter and sheets. He handed Remus the book and rested his head on Remus's chest, draping an arm across his chest. 

"Comfortable?" Remus wondered, to which Sirius simply nodded. "And tired, I would imagine?" Sirius only nodded again and pulled himself closer to Remus, so he was flush against his side. Remus opened the book to the first page and glanced down at Sirius resting on his chest, he could probably hear how fast his heart was pounding. 

"Read to me?" Sirius requested. Remus knew Sirius rarely enjoyed being read to, and only Lily and James had ever had the privilege of reading to him. He often times couldn't sit still or pay enough attention, but as he rested against Remus, he felt calm. He even looked calm, and that was not a frequent occurrence.

"Of course I can," Remus whispered. " _Of the cunning hero,_  
 _The wanderer, blown off course time and again,_  
 _After he plundered Troy's sacred heights..._ " And he continued on. He continued on until Sirius's breath evened out, and until soft snores slipped through his lips. He continued on long after he'd fallen asleep. Remus only stopped reading when he could no longer stay awake, and the book slipped from his fingertips onto the comforter below, when he too was asleep. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's important to note regulus is significantly younger than sirius, more than just a couple years. probably five/six, but it's never stated explicitly in the story. continue.

**October 19th**

  
Remus hadn't slept that well for quite some time. When he finally woke from the powerful slumber, he had his limbs tangled with Sirius's. His head was still comfortably resting against Remus's chest, and his arm still draped across his chest, moving with his slow, steady breaths. Remus wasn't too surprised, though, because Sirius often didn't move much in his sleep. He gently moved in an attempt to slip out from beneath him, but the moment he moved Sirius stretched his arm out and pulled Remus closer to him, an unconscious movement that made Remus's heart beat five times faster. He's asleep, Remus told himself, he didn't mean to do that.

Instead of trying to move again, Remus accepted his fate and relaxed back into the bed. He glanced down at Sirius's sleeping form and let his eyes trail down to his wrist, where the new death date was imprinted, looking as if it had always been there. Looking as if it hadn't been different just three days before. Remus hadn't yet taken a proper moment to appreciate the fact that it had actually worked. Of course he  was happy, but he hadn't felt the chill that ran down his spine in appreciation. Sure, his death date had changed to and he had no idea when he'd die, but it was worth it.

It was all worth the uncertainty, and he'd do it all over again knowing how this all panned out in the days following. Remus sighed at the thought, because of course he'd do it all again, all for Sirius. He honestly wasn't one hundred percent sure why he'd be willing to change his whole fate and jump through as many hoops as he did for Sirius, he was just a man. Remus had told himself he'd do the same for James, or Lily or Peter, but somewhere deep inside the pit of his chest, he knew it wasn't true. He wouldn't have been willing to do this for anyone else, despite what he told himself, only Sirius had this level of loyalty.

Sirius shifted, rolling onto his back so he was no longer curled against Remus. His arm was now loosely resting just below Remus's ribcage, his fingers twitching slightly as they always did when he slept. Remus reached out and grabbed his hand, gently pushing his fingers down so their palms were flush against each other. He never noticed that Sirius had hands that were slightly smaller than Remus's. It wasn't that big of a surprise, though, because Sirius was also shorter than Remus by quite a few inches and frequently asked him to get things off of tall shelves. With that thought, a small,  fond smile worked its way into Remus's face, accompanied by a pang of guilt.

Sirius was asleep, Remus told himself. He wasn't supposed to be touching his hands like this, as if he had a million times before that moment. He wasn't supposed to enjoy the warmth Sirius's body radiated, keeping Remus warm and content. He wasn't supposed to lay in bed minutes after he woke up, just to enjoy Sirius's company while he slept. He was, however, supposed to keep his distance, but every day that passed made it harder and harder for Remus to keep that distance. He didn't want to hurt Sirius but he couldn't deny the fact he was selfish and only wanted to spend his last few days with Sirius. Remus sighed, he figured while he was doing all the things he wasn't supposed to do, one more couldn't hurt. He lifted Sirius's palm to his lips and placed a soft kiss to the soft skin, but as soon as he did there was a knock at the bedroom door.

Sirius stirred, and Remus all but threw Sirius's hand back down. "Come in!" Remus called, and the door cracked open enough for James to stick his head in. He looked disheveled and his hair was a mess, plus his glasses were crooked. Remus couldn't tell if he's just woken up or if he and Lily had been doing something else. Sirius lifted his head and brushes his hair out of his face, giving James a sleepy smirk. Apparently Sirius noticed the crooked glasses too. "G'morning James, must you disturb us so early in the morning?"

"You ask that as if you're the only one who was disturbed this early in the morning," James said, turning his gaze to Sirius, who clearly still hadn't woken up all the way. Remus felt a brief moment of tension in the room when James' meet Sirius's eyes, and Sirius sat up without another thought. Remus looked between the two of them, Sirius looked mildly afraid and James looked worried, similar to when he noriced Remus's missing death date, and Remus couldn't figure out what might provoke those feelings.

"What is it?" Sirius asked. His eyes were wide and he unconsciously leaned towards the door where James stood. James stepped into the room and shut the door quietly behind him. Finally Remus sat up too and tucked his feet beneath him, watching Sirius as James made his way towards the bed to sir down. "God, James, _what is it?_ "

"You didn't even think of contacting your family when you didn't die, did you?" James said. That's when it clicked for Remus, either someone from Sirius's fanily had called or someone was here. Remus placed a hand on Sirius's knee in what he hoped was a small show of comfort, a simple way of saying _I'm_ _here for you_. Sirius glanced at Remus's, then back at James.

"Reg?" James answered the one word question with a nod. Sirius's eyes widened with the confirmation and Remus gave Sirius's knee a brief squeeze before letting go, and the second he did Sirius tore off the covers and bolted out of the bedroom to go see his brother.

"He was going to call him today anyway," Remus told James, following Sirius's lead and getting out of bed. He heard James sigh and stretched his arms high above his head, dropping them with a yawn. "Sirius said he missed him, and proceeded to ask me if I'd go out to lunch with the two of them."

"He did _what_?" James gasped, almost mockingly. "He's never asked me to do anything like that! He always said when he spent time with his brother he wanted it to be private, just the two of them." Remus shrugged mindlessly. It wasn't that big of a deal, was it? James was always a bit louder and sometimes he didn't know when to hold his tongue, and Remus did. Remus was quiet and knew when he should be quiet and when to speak, maybe that's why Sirius asked him instead. Remus tried not to think too much into it, just logically.

"Maybe you're too close and he doesn't want you to think of him differently after meeting his brother?" Remus suggested as he made his way over to his dresser. He rummaged through it for a moment and pulled out a sunflower yellow knit sweater that Lily had knit for him last winter. He slipped off his shirt and pulled the sweater on over his head, messing up his hair even further. James huffed once and left the room, giving Remus enough privacy to tug on a pair of jeans and some knit socks that matched the sweater.

Despite everything, he was eager to meet Sirius's brother, so he didn't think twice exiting the bedroom and wandering into the living room, where a new face sat. Neither James nor Sirius were anywhere to be seen, so he smiled down at the younger Black sibling and stuck out his hand. "Regulus?" The younger boy looked up with eyes identical to Sirius's, and nodded. "Remus Lupin, nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"All bad, I suppose," He replied, mostly to himself. "Regulus Black, younger Black sibling. I wanted to stop by and see when Sirius's funeral would be. I didn't really expect to get a call but when I didn't, I... it hurt. My parents don't want me going, but I'd like a chance to say goodbye." Remus's eyebrows raised, and he took a seat next to Regulus.

"Okay, slow down. What did James tell you?" Remus wondered. Regulus shook his head.

"He said hello and told me to take a seat, and then he disappeared back there," Regulus said, vaguely pointing in the direction of the guest room, or rather Remus's room. "Was it quick?"

"Was it- _what_?"

"Sirius's death, was it quick? I never got to tell him how I felt, I..." Regulus took a deep breath in and blinked a few times before he continued on. "I always admired him, his ability to stand up to our parents and do what _he_ wanted, not what they wanted, and I never could seem to do that." Remus's confused expression softened, Regulus looked genuinely upset, and Remus patted his knee.

"Well, I guess I have some good news for you. Do you mind waiting here while I go try and find it? I shouldn't be too long." Regulus shook his head in response to Remus's question, so he stood and disappeared down the hall into James and Lily's room in hopes Sirius was panicking in there. He gently knocked on the door and peered inside, only to find it completely empty. Remus let his head thump against the doorframe, of _course_ they weren't in here. After another moment of thought, latched the bedroom door and knocked on the bathroom door at the end of the hall. There was a shuffle, and the door was cracked open.

"Sirius?" Remus said softly. He opened the door wider for Remus to step inside, and he was surprised to see it entirely empty aside from Sirius. He imaged that James had slipped outside or went to hide in the kitchen. "Regulus seems lovely." Sirius shot him a look, but said nothing and hopped up on the bathroom counter.

"He's going to hate me," Sirius declared without a second thought. "For not telling him that I survived past my death date and not reaching out to him first, and for leaving him alone with our parents." Remus shook his head and hesitantly grabbed one of Sirius's hands in both of his, looking him dead in the eye. He felt his heart speed up, but ignored it as he shook his head once again.

"He doesn't hate you, Sirius. He was asking when your funeral was even though your parents didn't want him to go. Go see him, go make plans for lunch. It's up to you if you want me to come or not, but all you have to do is ask," Remus said. Sirius averted his eyes and Remus let go of his hand, his palm still buzzing from where Sirius's fingertips had been pressed against him.

"I'm just scared, Rem," Sirius whispered. "I planned on greeting him but I hid in here instead. What do I say to him?"

"Tell him the truth. Explain your death date and why you didn't get in contact, I'm sure he won't be mad at you, Sirius," Remus reassured him. Sirius glanced at the bathroom door and gave a small nod. Remus fought back a sigh of relief, Sirius needed to see his brother and Remus certainly wasn't cut out for the job of telling Regulus that his brother was, in fact, alive. Sirius slid off the bathroom counter and turned to look at Remus, offering a small smile, before he opened the door and slipped out, leaving it wide open behind him.

Remus waited to leave the bathroom, he waited until he heard Regulus gasp and one of the brothers let out something that sounded like a sob. Remus then smiled, he couldn't help it, he had always wished he had siblings, but he was an only child. Well, maybe now it was a good thing he didn't have siblings to leave behind. He was going to die at any point, and he wouldn't want to hurt them like that, he didn't want to hurt anyone like that, but now he didn't have a choice. He's sacrificed himself to save someone who actually deserved it. Remus breathed in and looked out the bathroom door, he couldn't see Sirius or Regulus, but he knew they had their arms wrapped around each other in a hug.

When Remus finally left the bathroom, pulling the door shut behind him, his suspicions were confirmed. Regulus had his arms beneath Sirius's and held his shoulders, his face buried into one while Sirius held his brother as he shook. Sirius looked over at Remus and gave him a watery smile. Even if nothing else came from this, the reunion in front of him made Remus feel even better about what he'd done. No one would hold Remus like that if he had been the one meant to die, but Regulus needed his brother.

When Regulus finally pulled away, he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket, his small laugh filling the otherwise silent room. Remus was surprised, to say the least, when Regulus turned towards Remus and threw his arms around him next, a flow of thanks now filling the room. Remus didn't know why Regulus was thanking him, he couldn't have known about what Remus had done, so that was off the table. He returned the hug without a second thought, but it didn't last nearly as long as the one with Sirius had.

"I've never been so glad to see someone in my entire life," Regulus said with a watery laugh. Remus couldn't help but smile, Regulus looked as if he were positively beaming, and so did Sirius. "What even happened with you, Sirius? Why aren't you..." he trailed off, seemingly unable to make himself finish the sentence.

"Why am I not dead?" Sirius supplied. Regulus dipped his head in an awkward nod, so Sirius sat down and patted the spot next to him. Once Regulus sat, Remus turned to leave the room and let the brothers catch up without any bystanders. But before he could get too far Sirius reached out and just barely brushed his fingers against Remus's, making him freeze.  He looped one finger around Remus's pinky and held him there as he began to explain the story to his brother.

Listening to Sirius explain it this in depth with someone made Remus's hair stand on end. Sirius said he would have died on that beach had he not felt the pain on his wrist, he said he would've let the ocean consume him, take his body out to sea. It made Remus feel sick, but he didn't care. It meant enough to see Sirius happy, to see Regulus happy. Even James and Lily, Remus had noticed, had been more upbeat and bright. Especially James, who was just excited he would be able to spend his whole life with his best friend.

"I'm gonna go find James and Lily, I'll let you two catch up. If either of you need anything, you can come find me," Remus told them. He gave Sirius's finger a tight squeeze with his own before he slipped out of the room and outside, where Lily and James were curled up on a chair together, a blanket wrapped around them both.

"How are they doing in there?" Lily wondered, right before James pulled her into his lap so he could make room for Remus to sit with them. He gladly squeezed into the small spot they'd made for him and rested his head against James' shoulder, sighing deeply.

"They're both so happy," Remus replied. Lily stretched out her legs and put them on Remus's lap, allowing James to shift and give him more room.

"I should hope so, they're brothers," she said. Remus mentally agreed with her, but his mouth remained shut.

"They've clearly missed each other," James commented. "At least Sirius missed Regulus, I could see it when he spoke about him."

"You can tell they've missed each other just by the way they're talking," Remus told them. After that conversation died, allowing them all just to enjoy each other's company. They were all very affectionate, Remus had figured that out right away. It had taken him some time to get used to the constant hugs, hand holding, and over exaggerated cheek kisses, but he soon grew to love it. He had always loved the constant comfort the group provided for each other, but now it felt more like a godsend and less like something they'd been doing for years, he wouldn't trade it for anything.

"Two nights," James said finally. Both Remus and Lily turned to face him with equally confused expressions. James rolled his eyes and turned to Remus with raised eyebrows, repeating what he said before.  "Two nights." Then it clicked. Two nights. Two nights Sirius had stayed in his bed. Two nights he'd shared body heat with someone who should have been dead, and two nights he'd had his limbs entangled with another's.

"Two nights," Remus finally agreed. James sighed and rubbed his eyes from beneath his glasses, while Lily looked at the two of them in confusion. Remus understood why this bothered James, he felt betrayed. He had promised James he wouldn't hurt Sirius by toying with his feelings, and Remus knew that's exactly what he was doing. If not on a conscious level, he knew he was.

"Okay so you mean to tell me that you let him sleep in your bed, when he has his own, for two nights? Instead of me and Lily? _Knowing_ that this will likely hurt him in the end?" James asked. Lily made an 'o' shape with her mouth and slumped back into James side. Remus dipped his head and nodded. James acted as though he could say no to Sirius when he had his mind set on something, he was like a dog with a bone, and he refused to let it go unless he got his way. "Remus, you can't just-"

"I know, okay! Yes, it's selfish and _yes_ , maybe it's a little cruel but I don't know how much longer I have and I would love to spend what little time I have left with him! I saved him, don't I deserve to spend it with him?" Remus pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled a slow, shaky breath before looking back up at James."I'm sorry, James, I just... I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to be hurt."

"It's alright, Remus. Well, not exactly. I just really don't want to see either of you hurt. It's a natural human instinct to want to not hurt, and I can't fault you for that."  Lily frowned, Remus could tell just by the look on her face that she had sympathy for him, and the suspicion only furthered when she rested her hand on his. James simply patted his knee to show his sympathy, Remiss could tell he didn't agree, but he also didn't want to argue.

"I'm sorry, if that makes a difference. I don't want to hurt him either, I don't intend to get involved with him, I don't..." Remus couldn't finish his sentence, so he just stopped talking, as that seemed to be the easiest thing to do.

"I'm not worried about you getting involved, just the closeness. You've always put a little distance between the two of you, and I never understood why, but now it all makes sense. You didn't want to be hurt by his death, so now that you don't have to fear it, you're putting his feelings in the cross fire instead. It's just not fair, you know?" James' words hit Remus deep. Yes he was putting himself first, but not purposely. He was soaking up every last bit of happiness that he could in his final days, especially since they were rare moments.

"James, please-" Lily tried.

"No! It's not fair to Remus, and it's not fair to Sirius, absolutely none of it! You're not going to see the mess you're going to cause, you're not going to have to deal with it or clean it up! No that will be me, Lily, Peter, and Sirius. Especially Sirius, and I'm just trying to minimize the damage done. I'm sorry, Remus, but I just can't do this." After moving both Remus and Lily, James stood up and disappeared inside.

"You know what? He's right," Remus agreed weakly. "It's not fair for me to leave a mess behind, one that you guys have to clean up." Lily hummed softly and moved closer to Remus where she gently rested her head on his shoulder, grabbing his hand in hers.

"Maybe, but despite that your happiness is important. I agree you shouldn't get involved with Sirius because of what your death will do to him, but if you want to spend your last bit of life becoming closer to him, I understand that. I don't want to see anyone hurt, and I desperately wish there was a way to save both of you," Lily said. Her voice was soft, the same one she had used to console James on the day of what was supposed to be Sirius's death.

"I just wish I could kiss him once, just one brief kiss, and tthen I could die happy." Lily sat up and kissed his cheek, flashing an awkward, lopsided smile.

"I think if you die happy your time in the afterlife is more painful. I don't want you to die sad, Remus, just... indifferent. Life is meant to be happy, death is not." With one final pat on the arm, she stood up and disappeared inside just as James had done. Being alone was significantly harder than it had been two days ago, his stomach felt heavy and it felt harder to breathe.

Remus didn't move for another few minutes, he continued to sit outside and enioy the cool autumn air. It made his hair stand on end the longer he sat and the deeper the breathed, and a chill ran down his spine as a gust of wind rustled the leaves. He didn't know whether or not to go inside and interrupt Sirius and his brother, or to wait for them to seek him out if they wanted to go to lunch with him.

He didn't need to sit and wonder long, though, Sirius soon poked his head out of the door and tilted his head. "We're ready to go whenever you're ready," He said. Remus sat up straighter and nodded, stretching his arms above him.

"I'll be in in a couple minutes," he replied. Sirius gave and nod and disappeared back inside, leaving the door open just a crack as he did so. He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, sighing deeply. A lunch with Sirius and his brother, he could do it, surely. At least he wouldn't be alone with Sirius, that couldn't possibly end well for him. When he finally stood, it took a moment for him to steady himself and gather his thoughts.

He could do it, certainly.


	8. Chapter 8

**October 19th**

 

Once Remus stepped inside, he was met with warmth, making him breathe a sigh of relief. One of his favorite parts of autumn was stepping inside after being outside in the cool, crisp air. The warmth always made him feel more human, and it wasn't qute as shocking as it was in the heart of winter, that was too much of a change too fast. He looked towards the kitchen where James stood making breakfast and Lily was propped up on the counter talking to him. He gave her a brief smile when he caught her eye before he disappeared into the living room.

 

"Remus!" Sirius exclaimed once he saw him. Regulus cracked a smile at his brother's enthusiasm, the same smile Sirius gave when he found something amusing. "Wonderful, I was thinking of going to lunch at that small Thai place by the library that Lily frequents. Reg said he's never been there and they have the absolute _best_ food!" Remus mentally agreed, they had the best Thai food he'd ever had. Instead of voicing his opinions, he briefly nodded. He knew if he tried to speak words would fail him and he'd be left a mumbling mess.

 

Sirius grabbed three different jackets (two of his and one of James') and handed one of his leather ones to Remus and one of his soft ones to Regulus, while wearing James's jacket for himself. "Even with a jacket it's a bit chilly out and I don't want you both to be cold," Sirius said. Regulus rolled his eyes and Remus turned red.

 

"Alright, mother hen, whatever you say," Regulus teased. Remus tightened his grip on the jacket before he tossed it around his shoulders. Sirius was rather attached to his leather jackets, so the fact he gave one to Remus to wear made him feel warm all over. The inside was a soft fleece material that was bound to keep him warm, and it was everything Remus could do to keep from smiling like an idiot. 

 

Once they left the house, Sirius took the lead and Regulus fell back into step with Remus. "You don't mind that we're going to the Thai place, right?" Regulus asked. Remus shot him what he hoped looked like a confused look. "I just ask because you didn't say anything and I know Sirius can get an idea in his head sometimes and no matter what you say, he doesn't change his mind." 

 

"No, I don't mind. They really do have the best food," Remus assured him. Regulus opened his mouth to say something more, but hesitated before any words came out. "You can say what you want to say, I won't get upset."

 

"I know it isn't my place, but did you and my brother ever... Look, it's obvious he likes you and I was just wondering if anything ever happened between you two? I don't know, there's just an air and I... I'm sorry, it's really not my place." Remus swallowed the lump in his throat. How did he answer this? He couldn't just tell Regulus the truth and he didn't want to lie to him either, he _was_ Sirius's brother, after all. 

 

"No, nothing has ever happened between us, we're just close friends." There. That didn't sound suspicious.

 

"Oh, okay. Sorry I asked I just... He talks about you in a way I've never seen him talk about someone before, and he seemed so happy. I'm sorry, I just had to ask." Remus gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder and glanced ahead of them where Sirius was walking, occasionally glancing behind him to make sure they were following. Remus caught his eye briefly and smiled, and in response Sirius winked.

 

"It's alright, I can't blame you for wanting to know about your brother's happiness, I really can't fault you for that. And... I notice that air too." Regulus smiled up at him half-heartedly and looked up at Sirius too, but this time the older Black brother didn't turn around.

 

"It's reciprocated, isn't it?" Regulus inquired. Remus bit his cheek and looked down intently at the cracks in the cement. Telling James and Lily about his feelings was one thing, but this was different. He did not need Sirius's younger brother that he'd known for five minutes nosing around in his love life asking questions that Remus didn't want to answer.

 

"Look," Remus sighed, once again glancing up at Sirius. "Even if it was reciprocated I couldn't hurt him. I..." Remus placed a hand over the still-fresh tattoo on his wrist, sighing once more. "Even if it was, I wouldn't let anything between us happen." Regulus noticed Remus move his hand and looked up at him with narrowed eyes.

 

"You're lying," he said. Remus visibly flinched and shook his head. "I don't know who knows the truth but I sure as hell know he doesn't! What are you playing at?" Remus felt anxiety build up in his hands and spread to his already shaky fingertips, where he began to play with the sleeve of Sirius's jacket that was wrapped around his shoulders.

 

"You are significantly more observant than your brother," Remus joked weakly, trying not to let the fear he did obviously felt creep into his voice. "It was me or him, and I chose him. I can't tell him because I don't know when I'm going to die and he'd only blame himself. Just please, please don't tell him, _please_."

 

"I can't make any promises, but I assure you that _we_ are going to talk about this more later. He is my brother, after all." Remus said nothing more as Regulus gained a bit of speed and began walking next to his brother, making Remus feel as though he were a third wheel. And he was, he knew Sirius wanted him for moral support, but it would still be nice to be acknowledged by the older Black brother. Perhaps it was for the best, Remus thought to himself, because maybe if Sirius acknowledged him it would give him a false sense of hope.

 

Remus felt guilty for letting himself think that Sirius asking him out to lunch with his brother was any more than a friendly gesture. James really was right, everything Remus was doing just wasn't fair. His heart lept into his throat and he knew he really shouldn't be there. This was a lunch between brothers, Remus didn't need to be there. He swallowed down the lump in his throat abd called out, "Sirius!" Both brothers stopped and turned to look back at Remus. "I'm not feeling well, I think I'm gonna head back home."

 

"Wait, Remus-" Sirius was cut off by his brother's hand on his arm, right above his elbow. Remus saw the looked Regulus gave him, and he said nothing when Sirius frowned and gently pulled his arm away. "Do you want me to go back with you? I'm sure Reg and I can always get lunch another day." Remus felt sick to his stomach. Sirius was willing to choose him over Regulus, and that was not how it should be. They were _family_ , and Remus was not.

 

"I... No, Sirius, I can make it home. Maybe I'll have Lily or James make me some soup or tea or something, you two just enjoy your lunch," Remus said. Sirius didn't look convinced in the slightest. Remus gave a lopsided grin to the pair of them and turned around to go home just in time to see Sirius reach out to grab his hand, and he just barely missed.

 

// 

 

The moment Remus arrived home, James' erms were wrapped tightly around him. Remus let out a sound of surprise at the sudden gesture, but he was quick to respond to it, wrapping his arms back around James, holding him as tightly as he possibly could. He buried his face into his shoulder and finally allowed himself to cry, he had needed this. He needed a friend to hold him and tell him it was okay to feel betrayed, to tell him it was okay to be selfish in his last days. James didn't try to let go when Remus began to cry, he only held him tighter and rubbed his back. 

 

"I'm sorry I said what I said earlier," James told him in a low, quiet voice. "It's just I'm scared to lose you, too, you know? In the same way I was scared to lose Sirius." Remus only cried harder, his sobs muffled by James' shirt. "Wanna know a secret?" Remus nodded, hoping it was something that would make him at least a little better. "When Sirius first saved you, when we all first met you, we all thought you'd end up with him."

 

"What?" Remus murmured. When he first laid eyes on Sirius he immediately knew he wanted him in his life. Of course, with looks like that, Remus had wanted Sirius in his life in the form of a partner, someone to kiss and hold, and this only increased when he actually got to know Sirius for who he really was. But he was still happy having Sirius as a close friend.

 

"We all felt the tension between the two of you. The way you both looked at each other, like you were both the last thing on earth. And if you really want to spend your last day or last days with Sirius, I won't be happy about it, but I won't fault you for it either. I'd tell Sirius the exact same thing if the roles were reversed." Remus let out a quiet cry of relief. This was the support he had wanted so terribly, it felt like a weight had been lifted off his already sore shoulders. It was one less thing to worry about in his last few days.

 

"I can't," Remus whispered, finally pulling away from James. "I can't hurt him. I can _not_ do that to him, or to the rest of you. You were right James, I won't be here to see what I'd cause and it's not fair that I do that. I love him too much to do that and I couldn't see it earlier, so thank you." Remus wiped the warm tears still falling down his cheeks and gave James what he hoped looked like a thankful smile.

 

"Remus? You're back already?" Lily asked from the doorway to the kitchen, holding a mug contaning what Remus assumed to be tea between her hands. "Did something happen with Sirius? Is everything okay?" 

 

"Yeah. Yeah everything's fine, I just took what James said into consideration. I knew he was right and all it took was Regulus putting everything together for me to realize that," Remus explained to them. "And then I told Sirius I felt unwell and I came home. So if he asks, I'm sick and you made me tea." 

 

No sooner that the words left Remus's lips that the door opened and Sirius entered. "Sirius?" James asked. Remus felt his heart swell when Sirius looked at him, his grey eyes softening and shining with concern. He came back to make sure Remus was okay, he knew as much. They all knew that, and Remus wasn't quite sure how he felt about that.

 

"Here's your tea," Lily said, handing Remus the mug that she held in her hands. He uttered his thanks and brought the mug to his lips, smelling the peach before he tasted it on his lips. It was perfect, Lily always did make the best tea. Whenever any of them were sick Lily was the designated tea maker, and when she was sick she only trusted herself to make it, claiming everyone else made it too sweet. 

 

"I had to make sure you were okay, Rem," Sirius told him. He had completely ignored James and hadn't taken his eyes off Remus since he entered the door. Regulus entered behind him and shut the door, looking winded and annoyed. 

 

"Remus, wonderful. I said I wanted to talk to you and now is the _perfect_ time," Regulus said to him, roughly grabbing his upper arm and dragging him to the bathroom, shutting the door behind them. Regulus was smaller than he was, but when he jabbed his finger in Remus's chest and had him pinned against the towel rack, he certainly didn't look or feel smaller. "He loves you, and you love him. Fucking _do something_!" Regulus hissed.

 

"But I  
You told me-" 

 

"I know what I said! He's worried about you and you need to go out there and let him know you're okay," Regulus told him. Remus noticed how scared Regulus looked,  and it made him uneasy. Regulus's hands were shaking and he was taking small gasps of breath. Remus felt himself relax and pull his eyebrows together in concern.

 

"Regulus, what's wrong?" Remus asked. The younger boy looked away and rubbed the side od his face, also appearing to relax with the question. He leaned back against the counter and ran a hand through his hair. He really did look like Sirius, the only difference was that Regulus's nose was slightly larger and his hair was significantly shorter.

 

"Supposedly only lovers... Soul mates can switch dates. It _has_ happened before, only no one really knows about it. The Black family, all powerful and shit, so of course I know. _Sirius_ knows, and I'm surprised he hasn't put it together with you." Remus felt like someone had hit him with a car. This went against everything he had been taught. _Soulmates?_ "And a human sacrifice? _Fuck_ Remus, I want Sirius to be happy with you if only for a few days. You'd clearly do anything for him, so you have my blessing."

 

"I can't hurt him," Remus said. "If... If what you said is true, losing your soulmate must be one of the most painful losses, and I refuse to hurt him like that. If he is my soulmate, I'm not hurting him." 

 

"Losing your soulmate would hurt, sure, but never knowing them is ten times more painful. You self-sacrificing bastard, you saved my brother's life and I want you both happy." Remus said nothing while Regulus's eyes bore holes straight through him. "Remus, if you don't tell him the truth then I will. If by tomorrow evening he doesn't know, I'll tell him everything."

 

"Wait, Regulus please don't do that-"

 

"And I'm going to tell James and Lily the truth about all of this too. I'm sorry for taking control of your love life like this, but neither of you were going to do anything. And in this situation, you kind of have to." Remus stared blankly at Regulus as he left the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind him. Remus turned towards the counter and leaned heavily on it, his fingers gripping the rim of the sink tightly. Sirius was going to find out one way or another, and Remus knew Sirius would take it better if Remus told him.

 

But did he have to tell Sirius the _whole_ truth? Remus wondered if he simply told Sirius he loved him if Regulus would figure out he didn't tell him the while story. Remus hated lying to people but he couldn't bear to tell Sirius everything, he knew he'd only blame himself and he wouldn't leave Remus's side until the fateful day came, all the while feeling hurt and betrayed. He didn't want to put Sirius through that, and he couldn't believe Regulus was ready to do that to his own brother. It was cruel.

 

He only strayed from though when the bathroom door opened and Lily stepped inside, instantly wrapping her arms around Remus and standing on her tip-toes so she could tuck her head beneath his chin. "Regulus told us what he told you once he kicked Sirius out of the room," Lily said softly. Remus sighed deeply and loosely hugged her back. 

 

"I don't want to tell him anything, I don't want to hurt him. I want him happy, what Regulus is doing isn't right," Remus murmured. He felt Lily nod against his chest and fall back onto the flats of her feet. 

 

"I agree, James does too. But Regulus is his brother, and you're something more than James or I. James is trying to talk him out of it now, but if he can't we're going to take a step and support you both as much as we can," Lily explained. "But whatever happens, we're here for you." 

 

//

 

It was later in the night when Remus finally got his alone time with Sirius. Sure, he'd desperately avoid being alone with him all day. In hindsight he wasn't sure _why_ , because he knew as soon as he retreated to his room after James and Lily had gone to bed and Regulus had left, Sirius would soon join him with a hesitant smile and a request to stay in his room for yet another night. 

 

"Sirius, I don't think it's such a good idea that you stay in here tonight." Remus didn't know why those were the first words out of his mouth. Sirius's hesitant smile completely fell, and he straightened his previously relaxed posture. Remus felt himself try to make himself smaller when Sirius did this. Remus turned back to doing what he was before Sirius had entered the room, looking through this stack of vinyl records. 

 

"Alright then, but Reg said you needed to talk to me about something," Sirius told him. Remus felt his blood run cold. He had almost forgotten about Regulus forcing him to do something he definitely did _not_ want to do. He plucked out a vinyl and put it on the record player, all the while Sirius watched him with accusing eyes. "Said it had to do with how you feel about me. He said we should be together, but for us to be together there was something you needed to talk to me about first."

  
"No, I'll break you. There's things you don't know, and I can't just tell you. Then again, I suppose if I don't, Regulus threatened to tell you," Remus explained as he dropped the needle onto the record and sat back, resting against the side of his bed.

" _Threatened_ to tell me? What things was he talking about?" Remus shrugged mindlessly, he refused to tell Sirius. Let Regulus do it, and by the time he did Remus would be a hundred miles away hiding in a motel that no one would expect to find him. He didn't want to deal with this right now, but because of Sirius's nosy little brother he had no choice.

"I can't tell you," Remus said. 

"You have to! Because if you don't my brother will, and I think I'd appreciate it more coming from you instead of him." Remus sighed once and weighed out his options before he got to his feet and walked over to Sirius, who seemed to shrink back at the gesture and take a small step back.  

"Yes, I love you, Sirius, I like to think that's obvious enough. And yes, I want to be with you, but I _can't_ , because the guilt would be too overwhelming and I can't do that to you," Remus said, getting even closer to Sirius who remained standing, firm in his place. "I just don't want to hurt you like that."

"Hurt me? How could that hurt me? Do..." Sirius trailed off when he caught sight of Remus's wrist, where the date was supposed to be. Sirius took another step back now, his eyes widely fixed on his wrist. "Oh, Remus..." He said nothing, he just looked down at his feet because he knew Sirius had finally put the pieces together, and Remus was not ready for what this might bring. "Did you...?"

"I... I..." Remus couldn't force the words out. He didn't want to lie to Sirius, he couldn't, but he also didn't want to see the look of pain or hurt and betrayal on Sirius's face if he did tell him the truth. That would break his heart, both of their hearts, so Remus tried to study and memorize Sirius's face before it completely fell and he never was able to see it again.

"That... it _was_ a blood moon that night... and you said something bad had happened that morning... you tattooed your death date the next day... your behavior with Alice... you..." And his face fell, and Remus felt tears well up in his eyes. Sirius reached out and grabbed Remus's hand, much to his surprise, and yanked him forward to pull him into a hug. Remus felt a heavy weight slip off of his chest as he relaxed with Sirius's arms wrapped tightly around him. Sirius didn't hate him. Sirius didn't yell at him or slap him or move away from him, but instead hugged him.

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered. Sirius hugged him tighter and he felt a small wet spot forming on his shirt where Sirius had pressed his face. "You always wanted the long life and I couldn't care less so I thought it would be a fair trade." Sirius still said nothing, but Remus felt the smaller man shake as he cried into his shirt. He did his best to ignore the way his heart strings tugged with every sniffle or soft whimper. "I just wanted to give you that long life you always wanted."

"But-" Remus felt Sirius shift and turn his face ever so slightly so his words would be less muffled by Remus's now-damp shirt. "But I can't just let you _die_ for me!" Remus backed up slowly, Sirius still pressed into his chest, until the back of his legs hit his best and he sat down, pullint Sirius into his lap. "Like I know it's way too late for that now, but Remus... Wait Remus you... To change dates a human life must be taken."

"I know, good timing I guess, huh?" Remus said. Sirius scurried off his lap and looked over at Remus with curious eyes. He didn't look afraid or uneasy, just curious and surprised. "Sebastian, I was thinking about trying to save you and he... He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." Sirius scooted away fron Remus and climbed under the sheets, motioning for Remus to do the same.

"I never did like the way he treated you. I mean I guess that's pretty obvious, especially based on how we all met that first night." Remus got up to turn the light off and slid into bed next to Sirius, who was quick to lay his head on Remus's chest and begin tracing small patterns in Remus's arm. "He was a genuine prick."

"He was. But you're not... Mad at me?" Remus finally asked. After expecting the worst ever since this had happened, he had to ask. He expected to get yelled at, he didn't, he expected Sirius to completely shut him out, but he didn't. Now, Remus was confused and hopeful.

He hated it.

"I don't think I _can_ be mad at you for this, if I'm honest. You chose my life above your own, you basically saves my life. So no, I'm not mad at you. I'm hurt that you didn't tell me sooner and felt the need to lie to me about it, but not mad," Sirius told him with a small shrug. Remus breathed deeply and felt himself relax even further, thankful for the warm body pressed up against him.

"I... Sirius why are you so calm about this?" Sirius shrugged again but said nothing, so Remus rolled onto his side to face Sirius, who looked nothing other than his normal self. "Sirius?"

"I just want to make your last few days worth while," Sirius said, his voice getting softer the longer he spoke. "It would be so much easier dying than losing you, Remus, and I'm not spending these days mad at you, I'm not spending them sad, I'm spending them happy because at least you got those extra days, not everyone gets them."

"Regulus said this makes us soulmates," Remus suddenly said. "Which means these kinds of things aren't impossible and have happened before, and if he knows you know." Sirius sighed at first, and Remus could see he was torn on whether or not he should or if he wanted to talk about it.

"Many years ago, there was a blood moon. At this point in time, people were still killing each other for the hell of it or whatever, and on this night so many men and women died or woke up the next morning with missing dates, while their loved ones was higher. It's kept very hush hush to hopefully prevent more people killing each other. My family only knows because they were part of the reason it was all kept hidden." Remus looked at Sirius in confusion. He never really spoke about his family, was this why? Were they bad people? Remus always assumed so, and maybe he was right.

"It's nearing midnight," Remus said quietly. "We should get some sleep." He felt Sirius nod and climb closer into his chest, which ignited the butterflies Remus and thought he'd gotten rid of.

But maybe not.


End file.
